Lucy Blake's Weblog

Practice being normal…

So I went to a party the other night in my efforts to become “normal” and do “normal people things”. On the way to this party I decided pizza was necessary so I called my friend who’s party it was and let her know Lucy was going to be late as pizza was calling me and would she like me to bring some. She said “nooooo I just want you baby” but hearing she was drunk I decided pizza was a definite need in life.

I arrive at this party with a bunch of people and my pizza. I said HELLOOOO and the Eastern European girls’ sneared at me, the Brazilians jumped me for kisses and then I settled into the corner with my pizza to gobble it. The party girl came out and decided she didn’t like anyone at her party so she poured me a glass of champagne and we went up on the roof to look at the Harbor and gossip. The view also allowed itself a perfect view of the 5 Star Hotel next door, so we sat there counting how many guys like to sit in the window, staring out into space while they play with their peniiiiises and jerk off. We then discussed STI transmission risks when sitting on hotel furniture and vowed never to sit on furniture again.


When the champagne runs out we go back to her party and everyone except one boy had left so we got down to the business of sitting around drinking champagne. This boy happened to be a psychologist and Lucy ALWAYS has interesting times with anyone who’s profession starts with “psych”. Lucy is well aware of this and because she is trying to be “normal” she decides to be on best behavior and not torment the psychologist J  


Then the true test begins! Will Lucy be able to convince him she is ‘normal’?!?!




He begins asking me what I want to be when I grow up. I tell him I have a Degree in Engineering, majoring in Structural Engineering and I’m currently employed by Bonds (the people who make underwear) working in Men’s Underwear Development and I’m working on designing structurally proficient jocks straps for men. I know I know I promised not to torment him but ….! I then tell him I’m back at Uni now though re-training to do Education.


This then brings about a discussion on different theories of adult education and manipulation where he shares some of his favorite methods of working with people. He mentions a few cult like ways of brainwashing and manipulating people which grates on me but I keep on reminding myself to BE GOOD!


All was going well and Lucy is maintaining control until he decides to tell us about his ex-girlfriend. He claims she broke up with him because she was a prostitute and made the statement “I could never sell myself for money, even being a drug dealer is better than being a prostitute”. Lucy sits there counting to 100 million trying not to buy into it. He then explains how drug dealing is better because he see’s drug dealers as usually people who sell pills to their friends because they want to have a lovely evening out and may not have been organized enough or have plans fall thru at the last minutes so had to revert to drugs as a Plan B. Ok so now Lucy is a tad annoyed!


Lucy asks…”but how is that any different to a sex worker? Sex Workers are all about facilitating a process where people share the love; many clients have had plans fall thru or couldn’t get a date at the last minutes, so they decide to see a lady as a PlanB. On top of that sex workers don’t usually kill their friends unlike drug dealers”. I am assured it is completely different and drug dealers are better and their drugs don’t kill people. Oooook then! We then have an in-depth pharmacological education session for him and I point out it was a good thing he went into psychology not psychiatry because clearly he had no idea about drugs and how they work on people.


He then goes on and on about how ‘prostitutes’ and ‘whores’ are immoral and unethical and Lucy is sitting there trying sooooo hard to be normal! I keep stuffing my mouth with pizza and champagne trying to render myself unable to talk but he keeps on GOING!! I decide the Universe is sending me a test and I am not allowed to respond. Then my friend asks him why he thinks his ex-girlfriend was a sex worker and then he did it! He made me spit my pizza out!


Apparently she is a hooker because of the way she has sex (I could agree with that one) but the killer was “I just have a feeeeeling she is a lesbian and all prostitutes are lesbians becuase they hate men; because she refused to wear condoms and only whores don’t wear condoms AND because she didn’t want to make love all the time, rather preferring to have no intense emotional connection whilst having sex” Aaaaaah ha! Lucy comes out of the closet and gives him a mouth full. BAD ME…… BAD BAD ME!


As per usual it turns into a 5 hour discussion on values, safe sex education, dispelling bullshit beliefs/myths, sex education session for him, blaaah blaaaah. Then we have to have a discussion on his use of terms like “whore”, his value judgments blaah blaaah and how it was preferable if a psychologist was able to be non-judgemental. Naughty psych L


It was quite interesting to watch the guys’ interaction once he found out I was a sex worker as is my friend. He had no idea and was shocked. He has been all over my friend trying numerous ways to get into her pants and is always touching her and sucking up. As soon as he found out he wouldn’t touch her, wouldn’t let her touch him and began talking to her like she was a client. He had no idea he was doing it until I pointed it out to him which made him freak out at me and told me to stop psychoanalyzing him. Hahaha psychs are too much fun! BAD ME….. BAD BAD ME! HA!


Soooo by the time Lucy managed to educate the twit, my friend has passed out from too much champagne. so Lucy cleans up the mess from the party, got on the floor, curled up next to her and went weet weams debating the pros and cons of trying to be normal. I think once you’ve gone too far for to long, know too much, there is no coming back, but that’s a debate for another night of champagne.


It’s a hard life I tell ya!






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