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Long time no speak! Have you missed me as wide as the ocean? As grand as a canyon? As maginificent as a chocolate brownie? Sure you have. HA!
OK so not going to give a “this is your liiiiife” update because I couldn’t be bothered. Rather this evening I’m going to rant just for a change 😉
I just had dinner with the most awesome person in the world…. Tilly Cupcakes!!
I invited this boy I’ve been “dating” because that’s the convention so I’ve been told. Mental note to one’s self: WE ARE NEVER CONVENTIONAL. IT DOES NOT WORK FOR US. STOP IT!
I have missed Miss Tilly every day since I’ve been gone. She’s such a space cadet with a heart as big as the universe. She is so sweet she spins me out a little. Actually she’s exactly like a cupcake. OMG we named her appropriately and we didn’t even name her cupcake because she’s a cupcake! Anyway, I digress into the world of my brain. Let me get back to reality….
So we went out to dinner and this dude I’m with he was really rude 😦 He acted like a fucking Liberal Party politician. All fucking stitched up and smart arsey and non communicative unless it’s to dodge a question so no secrets are revealed (apparently telling someone where you work or what you do for a living is top secret even if it’s not ASIO).
He has this really weird affliction where the tone of his voice changes if he’s in a suit. Words he uses changes, he won’t walk next to me (actually prefers I walk on the other side of the street or steps behind him like I’m a Muslim) let alone hold hands with me in public; he says these evil smart arsey things, won’t open doors or wait for me…. I FUCKING HATE IT! I asked him last time he treated me like a leppar in public while he had a suit on why he was being such a crap person. He said that it is not correct ettiquete to be seen holding a girls hand in public if you’re wearing a suit. Now I’m a welfare worker and a hooker so I’ve heard every lie, bullshit, twaddle sequence of words in the world and NEVER had I heard THAT!
He also punishes me in suits… I get THE SILENT TREATMENT! You can imagine how that sits with me.
I was bouncing around being me the other day and he told me I was silly and it was too much. He actually looked really pained! Apparently I need to grow up.
What do you mean grow up?!
I’m already grown up!
I mean in all seriousness, does me being me really come as a suprise to ANYONE?!
So I’ve decided to swear off men in suits.
MEN IN SUITS ARE ICKY….. BEAT THEM WITH STICKS!
Or another niffty option the “Anal Intruder” of course.
I am completely and utterly incapable of being serious at all times. If you made me sit on a chair and be serious, I’d chew my own arse off so I didn’t have to sit there anymore.
I’m really sad because Tilly came so far to see me and I’ve missed her for ever and people have been giving her a hard time in hooker land so I just wanted her to have a wonderful night and ICKY SUIT MAN BEAT HIM WITH A STICK, was nasty. The first friend I’ve seen since I’ve been here and he wrecked it.
He was supposed to come back to my house for an overnighter (once a hooker always a hooker… hang on, I’m still being a hooker! As Teacup says “I’m a hoe with a whip”) but he got to the car and turned around and said “It’s your fault I don’t like your friend. You talk to much so I couldn’t get a word in and you told me not to ask questions”. BEAT THE ICKY MAN IN A SUIT WITH A STICK!
Anyway, if you wear a suit, get your arse down to Mexico AND I’LL BEAT IT WITH A STICK!
Lucy and Lux – both me you see
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