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Hello out there!
Yup it’s me and I’m baaaaaaack 😉
So to answer a few questions first….
1.) My hubby (from my last post) is my bestest male friend and HE’S GAY! We are a marriage of convenience. You know when you get to 30 and all your friends start getting married and everyone they invite is already married so at the reception table they insist on having matching name place cards? Well I can never just be Lucy Blake, I have to be Mr and Mrs Blake or there will be chaos and no-one will know where to sit because it’s not in married people’s seating schema to understand a single persons name place card. He also works for a gay and lesbian organisation I also use to work for until I told my Manager to blow me and walked out. So now that work place HATES that probably the gayest boy working in the place is married to the most a-sexual ex-employee to walk the planet.
I love him to bits and if he was straight…. we still wouldn’t be married because I love him to bits and that would just be gross.
2.) that nasty blog…. it was a collection of posts from a stinker forum. I wanted to thank you all for your comments. You have no idea how much they helped. I was sitting at a bus stop crying and an email popped thru my phone with a comment telling me they were a bunch of knuckle draggers and it made me smile straight away. Each and every one of them made a difference to my life. Thank you.
Ok to other stuff. I’ve left Sydney. Yup. I was absolutely miserable in Sydney so it was time to move again. I’m now in Melbourne… I have entered the lion’s den… well to be more precise, I’ve entered a dungeon lol. It’s the epitome of hell for a hooker… well Melbourne is and it’s heavy regulation anyway….. not the dungeon. That’s a different den all together.
I think I’ve been here for 4 weeks. I spent the first 2 weeks in a backpackers which was full of young evangelical christians from America. I pushed one of them down a fire escape. Silly cow. Hmm then I moved into the apartment I’m in now. I came home from the dungeon at 1am yesterday morning to safety pins in the bottom of all my curtains, new furniture and a note saying ……..
That’s right… the owner of the unit had broken in and decided to sew up the bottom of my curtains and put different furniture in. When I called the real estate to say “KEEP HIM OUT!”, they told me he was very particular about how his units were kept and they had left a message on my phone that morning saying he was coming in to spring clean my unit. I explained they were actually breaking the law and leaving a message on my phone the morning he wanted to come in and “spring clean” was not me giving permission for him to come in with his sewing kit. They disagreed and we chalked up another shitty encounter between me and this particular real estate. I swear to god I’m going to post them 2 tonnes of fresh shit when I leave this unit.
In other unit news…. my unit is a bachelors pad. It’s messy and it smells 🙂 Well it doesn’t smell……. yet… but I can see my aspiration close to being mission accomplished. In Melbourne it’s illegal to do incalls, so for the first time in over 10 years I am not working from home. I’ve embraced the idea of my unit belonging to me rather than having to share it with the general population and made it how I want it. Messy and soon to be smelly… THE LUXURY!!! Hmm now of course I have a landlord who has a fetish for sewing up the bottom of my curtains when I’m not here, that may have to change. I have a pile of towels I took out of the dryer and I’ve dumped them all in a pile on the floor at the front door. It makes my left eye twitch when I look at them, but I’m living the dream and NOT picking them up. I’ve also artistically draped my dirty knickers all over the bathroom so I can see dirty knickers out of the corner of my eye no matter which direction I’m facing 🙂 bliss 🙂
Things I like about Melbourne….
there are garbage bins EVERYWHERE on the street. Apparently no-one has told them we’re all about to die from being blown up if they don’t remove them, so Melbourne people still live with the dangerous luxury of garbage bins
Dimmeys… enough said!
Urban Burger… makes my mouth wet
Melbourne hookers… they are all LOVELY. I know I preach hooker power etc etc, but I swear with no sugar and spice and all things vitriolically nice, they really are very cool people.
Business men… I spent 3 hours looking for a StGeorge Bank and couldn’t find it anywhere (even though I was standing right out the front of it – it’s called Bank of Melbourne here… real cleaver branding there…NOT!), so I started stopping business men to find it for me. By the time I had it found, I had 5 of them all lined up with their IPhone’s out Google mapping and all over the St George website for me. Sydney men wouldn’t have even taken the time to grunt at me as they dismissed my existance. Melbourne businessmen are very useful and kind.
Melbourne Men…. OMFG HOW TALL ARE THEY AND HOW GOOD DO THEY SMELL?!?!?!?! I swear I see and sniff at least 20 men a day I’d consider cleaning up my bachelor pad for.
Dungeon boys…. that’s a blog for another day, but they are OUTRAGEOUS compared to Sydney dungeon dwellers. Let’s just say I was reading some forum threads on outrageous fantasies that cross the line… I giggled a lot LOL.
Mushrooms… they actually taste like something! I had no idea food tasted like food until I came here. Do you realise in Sydney that we are eating the same dehydrated rehydrated crap they eat in space? Ever eaten those space food sticks? Well compare one of them to a real piece of grandma’s home baked lemon meringue pie and that’s the difference between mushrooms in Melbourne and mushrooms in Sydney
Rent… sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much cheaper
Public transport… sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better AND on time AND clean AND lots of it (except that fight I had with a guy on the station. That wasn’t so great). There is a guy who gets on my train every morning and he raps while he cleans the train for change. He’s AWESOME! He’ll custom build a rap for you if you give him a piece of garbage and 50 cents.
Bookshops… sooooooooooooo many more and soooooooooo much cheaper!
China Town… should be called Asia Town because it has the best of all Asian cultures in one place
Crazy Cat Woman… well she doesn’t like me much, but I sneak back to her house every 2nd day and pat her cat thru the bars in the window. I’ve called him Chester
Things I don’t like
REAL ESTATE AGENTS are worse here than anywhere else on the planet
Trams… they keep trying to kill me
Water drinking things on the street…. I keep walking into them while I’m texting at the pointy end vagina first. I imagine it’s just like being kicked in the bollocks if you’re a boy
Hmm eeeeck it’s past 6am. I have to go to bed quick sticks – I’m a fan of quick sticks. It’s my thing at the moment. Ok I write about dungeon stuff later. Ooow I have a new name! oH SO MUCH TO go on about!
ps. hey Miss Georgia… thanks for your help with finding me tonight on the way to the Doctor’s… you ROCK like no-one else ever could. You’re better than one of those nasty talking GPS boxes in a car any day of the week. AND STOP TOUCHING IT!
ps. heeeey Terrorist… I need to know about electrifying needles so quick quick give it a go 😉 I’ll be dead set really impressed if you have the bollocks to get some and stick them thru your bollocks or thread them under your skin around your nipple. Try sticking the dog training collar above them once you’ve stuck them in. The spark flies so I’m sure it should work. Below is the link – scroll down to STAINLESS STEAL LONG NEEDLES. They’re the ones to use because they don’t have the plastic stoppers on the end…
You can get ones designed and built for Tens Units but I can’t find the link anywhere. With those ones they have a connection to stick the chords onto. If you’re bored stupid at work, you could be busy and find them!! How cool would that be?! The normal gauge needles with the plastic ends don’t carry the volt but they’re still a head fuck so do work… to a point PMSL.
ps. Lemmie… love you long time always 🙂 You’ll ALWAYS be one of my favoritest people and someone I allow in to know me as a person. I could never be mad at you so don’t stress about anything. I value your wisdom and experience and the fact you care enough to share it with me. Still think you should have gotten a Ducati though 😉
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