Lucy Blake's Weblog

Anti-frustration bagina device

… yes that’s right folks, yet ANOTHER blog about my bagina! I think I’ve written more blogs about my bagina than any other subject so far… and NONE of it has been sexy or erotic…. I don’t think I’m very sexy or erotic really….. sorry. I do include a picture of my bagina to try and make up for my lack of sexy eroticism though!

Oh but before I head South (South is downwards right? Never Eat Shreaded Wheat… yes South is down), I just wanted to put up a big thank you to the lovely peoples who commented on my last blog. I was very blargh when I wrote that blog and people who wrote a message to me wrote really important thoughts. I really, really appreciated them SO SO much. Lemmie I know you’ve retired and it makes me very happy to know you still pop in to check on me. You’ve always been a very wonderful boy and I’ve never taken that for granted, so a big thank you to you.

Ok back to my bagina because I know no-one likes to hear me be nice.

Where was I? Oh yes bagina…

SO I’m sitting here trying to rebuild these two stupid websites. I HATE THEM! I’ve been told I have to do them in WordPress so I bought the hosting, got the hosting people to build the databases and put WordPress on them. Of course I managed to screw the first one up and delete the Home page post so it was then useless. I got the shits and decided to wipe the database and WordPress from existance and now I have to pay to get it reloaded.

So then I moved onto the second yet to be stuffed up site. I HATE IT! First you have to find the stupid “theme” as WordPress calls them which is just the colors and panels you see. Millions of hours are spent trolling thru stupid skins or themes. I’m sure they’re all built by programmers a.k.a. they’re SHIT! Programmers aren’t good at the design, they’re good at writing in a particularly weird language to make a computer do one thing in particular. For example, if you wanted to make your computer burp, they’d go about trying to make that happen, however they’d probably make it fart. Programmers are quite fascinating actually.

So anyway my frustration and hate levels are making me TWEEEEK! So we move to procrastination and the steps are as follows:

1. read the sex industry forums – I find the same threads across all the forums re: Should sex workers charge a cancellation fee or end a booking if the client is suspected of having an STI. I read countless posts on how sex workers who charge a cancellation fee are naughty little hookers, how dare they, not qualified to tell, I’d never do that blah blah. I mean seriously what are we suppose to say “Oh sweetheart! Look what you bought me… a big blister on your dick!! Sharing is caring and I feel well loved you’re sharing your herpes with me now. Thank you my angel!”. If it’s all the same to you, I’ll stick to my adventure buddies sharing the cupcakes to show they care.

As for the suggestion we should be giving full clinical visual checks by doing things like milking a penis before a shower, if anyone had bothered to speak to a sexual health nurse they’d know that milking a penis is a waste of time and a perfect opportunity for cross contamination to happen. Most people who are diagnosed with STIs that live in cum, don’t actually present with milky discharge or any odor these days, rather their pre-cum looks and smells all healthy and clear like it usually would.

As for not charging a cancellation fee if a lady wants to end the booking because she suspects an STI… I’m sorry…. but the client has been kissing, touching and enjoying the ladies company before getting naked for a good 10 – 20 minutes; he knows he has a mark on his genitals, made the booking anyway, didn’t discuss it with her when he first meets her and then gets shitty if she decides not to go thru with the booking once she has seen his penis and asks him to pay for the touchy touchy kissy kissy. How is that not fair?!?!

Instead of demonising sex workers on these threads, it would have maybe been more useful for people to suggest alternate things to do with people in bookings if you suspect they have an STI to avoid transmission. How to negotiate this situation in a booking, how to give a referral to a GP or sexual health service, how to deal with a difficult client who may become aggressive when you’re discussing it, how to keep your shite together as a sex worker if you see someone with a suspected STI and you’ve already had body contact with them at a level that would be of concern etc. It would have been brilliant if the guys and ladies could have discussed the best most tactful and useful ways of talking to a client about it – clients and sex workers alike have so much knowledge, it’s such a shame when they don’t share it, rather they go on with the blame game.

I’ve seen a few clients with visual STIs (warts, herpes) and most of them came to me for an opinion/diagnosis and for info on what to do about it. These clients were to scared/ashamed to go to their GP, didn’t know if a GP could deal with it or if they had to go to a ‘specialist service’. They also weren’t sure if it was an STI and wanted a real life opinion before they put themselves thru the ‘drama’ of going to a GP etc. I completely understand why they came to me and I didn’t get angry at them and they were all total sweethearts. A thread that would have offered them suggestions would have been VERY useful.

Pppffft forums! This procrastination is just making me aaargh so I’ll move on….

2. post on sex industry forums – this is a DEAD give away you’re prepared to pay dearly for the pleasure of avoiding having to build websites.

3. send a stranger a PM offering to send him a picture of my furry bagina – this is the first indication I’m that pissed off….. GRRRRRRR like that… that I’ve now taken my first serious step sideways from procrastination into the world of self harm or self-inflicted pain (not that I won’t send the pic of course – he’s a fetishist and I can’t say no to people who show true dedication to any cause).

So the options for self-inflicted pain are….

1. electro E-Stim Unit – I have a brand new anal intruder still in the box…. shiiiiiiny…. not quite that pissed off

2. waxing the legs – small problem with that plan … I HAVE NO WAX. However, I’m clever so I go and get some swabs, rub them along my leg and hold a lighter up to it…. WOOOSH! It’s very exciting the first time you do it, then you realise you know how to do it so it doesn’t hurt rather it’s all show so that’s never going to work and is only going to leave your legs smelling like burnt rat bonfire. That and I ran out of swabs.

3. eat chocolate biscuits – this is a BAD thing to do. Feels good now and makes you feel bad tomorrow so it just adds to the angst you already feel and are trying to alleviate now!

4. watch Cindy Crawford try to tell me she is ugly so I’m more likely to buy her skin care product because if it works on her it can work on anyone – that’s head fucky pain not physical release which I’m searching for so switch the TV back off and move on.

5. WAXING THE BAGINA! – aaaaah my favorite of faves. Issue: it’s 2am and the waxing shop isn’t open so what does one do? Issue: I’ve run out of alcohol swabs and don’t have anything else flammable enough to do it with that will go WOOSH real big and then the flame goes away real quick so you don’t die. Solution: TWEEEEEEZERS!

That’s right people’s.. I’ve tweezered my bagina 🙂

I’ve never tweezered my bagina before because I thought it would hurt that much I’d die. I literally thought I’d die. Strangely though, it was not the bits that I though would hurt the most that actually hurt the most! For example, I divide everything I do up into groupings. If I’m doing a massage/bodyslide/hand relief, everything is bunched into numbers divisible by 3 – usually 3, 12, 30. If you’re giving a kissing lesson or I’m kissing someone, the mouth is divided into 5 sections; when massaging the foot, it is divided into 5 separate sections that need massaging. When you’re thinking of waxing your bagina it is divided into 5 sections. It is usually the section where Hitlers mustache would be (maybe they call it the landing strip although I’m not really up on PC technically correct fashionable bagina lingo) that hurts the most to get waxed. The bits down the side or your crutch (aaargh sorry to use such a crass word to describe a thing of such beauty!) that hurt the second least to me. HOWEVER, when hand tweazering, it’s the reverse!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!

Ok so who wants to see a pic of the ouchy, anti-frustration device bagina?!



Anti-frustration Bagina Device


Butchered huh?! heheheee


OK so last opportunity to procrastinate before I finish writing this procrastination blog is to let you in on other news….

I’ve just moved! Yup that’s right, I have a new play pen 🙂 Yeaay for me 🙂 Getting it was a trip. All hookers should now avoid World Tower because they have switched off the intercoms on the mid rise levels. This means you have to go down 48 flights (give or take 20 in either direction) of stairs and get your client from on the street. You also now must carry photo ID they issue with you at all times in the building – like corporate boys carry.  Oh and I had a trippy conversation with a real estate agent when I was looking at his apartment he was begging me to take about how “I threw a prostitute out of a unit last week because she was suspected of being a prostitute”. We were talking about power points at the time so I don’t know where he pulled that statement out of! Fancy suspecting a prostitute of being a prostitute! pffft real estate boys! Oh and I had another real estate boy tell me my photo’s are all ugly. Oh and you should avoid working out of Lumiere. Hmmm if any ladies reading want a list of good and bad places to work out pop me an email and I’ll let you know – I looked at over 60 to find the one I’m in now so I know all of the buildings 🙂

I applied for Uni… AGAIN… but this time I’m convinced I’m going to finish it… trust me I’m a prostitute 😉

I was meant to go to SWOP today for a meeting for something I do for them but they canceled it due to forgetting the Melbourne Cup was on. Apparently it’s more important for them to take a Govt funded afternoon holiday from their “clients” (they don’t call them peers anymore). Sooo this little hooker has been turning down bookings for today for the last 6 weeks so as not to miss this meeting and they canceled it at the last-minute… apparently the sex industry shuts down on Melbourne Cup Day and no sex workers need assistance from their sex worker organisation…. pffft.

Hmmm and there’s more but I forget and I’m sick of this procrastination now, I wanna do something else.

Sooooo TAKE CARE my little cherubs and HUGE kisses to the lovely people who leave me comments and send me happy happy thoughts 🙂




8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

The interesting information… And extension will be?

Comment by Massage

It’s very difficult to start a blog. Good luck with wordpress. I’ve found them pretty good.

As a male consumer of your services, perhaps you’d be interested in my blog:

Comment by karmaisking


I want to be able to read your blog.

Best Reagards

Comment by leon ta

my email address is

Comment by leon ta

OMG I once did the tweezer thing too.. holy cow it took forever, hurt like a bitch and afterwards i had sooooo many ingrown hairs it drove me insane!!!! Never again! x x mwah

Comment by HollyInAlbury

Aaaaw Holly SWEET HEART! How are you lovely lady?!

I have an email in my draft folder I have been meaning to send to you for the last month or two! The stuff in it now is all pretty useless because it was in response to the email you sent in response to my email. I was going to send a response! Yup!

I was horrified when you told me about the inbred hairs! I went and got waxed the very next day to try and take the top layers of skin off to try and make my bagina not inbred.

Anyhooo, I hope you’re doing well and it’s good to see you romping around again. You disappeared for a while and I was all fingers crossed you were ok and going to make it back ok and exactly the same – not harder than you were before like so many people seem to do. This industry can be harsh and I’m just really happy to see it doesn’t seem to be making you a dark person, rather a stronger person but still with the lovely mooshie bits everyone loves.

You take care of you and keep that smile on your dial Miss Holly,


Comment by Lucy Blake

Hey Lucy, it’s good to hear you’re more upbeat on this post, I was beginning to worry about you. I can’t believe you tweezered your bagina, nasty, setting up a website would be much less painful.
By the way you shouldn’t listen to what anyone says on a forum, anyplace where people post anonymously is going to be full of shit (except here of course). I hope to be able to visit your new place soon. MWAH

Comment by David

I really do love reading your blog. You are such an honest and interesting person and I say that with big love and pure wonder. Thanks for brightening up my Wednesday morning. 🙂

Thank you for the photo. But SO sorry you had to suffer for your art. I had an incident recently where boredom drove me to “trim the shrubbery” and have learnt the most important rule, “Keep the skin taut.” So I feel your pain

You really should stay off the forums before they drive you crazy. It doesn’t matter what the subject is forums are full of people who bitch about everyone but themselves and are only there because they think YouTube commenting is too high brow.

Maybe we could have some photos to give us a tour of your new play-pen?

Comment by Nicholas

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: