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I am getting all these people asking if I do anal and reading all these reviews with guys saying “sounds like a hot time, but will she let you fuck her arse?”
It’s only 1 of 2 things I don’t do and I don’t do it for a few different reasons but that’s pretty boring, so instead I try and work out why people may like doing it. To do that I think about what it’s like for me to bonk someone with a strap on – which I also don’t like to do for a few reasons…
1. I’m to short so I suck at it – my thighs are much shorter than a man’s (top bit of my legs) so I have to kind of do a half squat to try and get it in the right spot which I find basically impossible – ever tried to swivel your hips like Elvis in a 6 inch high pair of stilettos?!
2. I’m to lazy – ever since I did strap on stuff I began to understand why 99.99999999% of men prefer to be tied down and if not tied down, men still never ever get on top to bonk me… it’s bloody hard work bonking! The next day if I have to bonk someone anally, my thighs and butt are KILLING me! While I’m doing it I can’t breathe… it’s just hardcore exercise and sex should never be about something as tedious as exercise if you ask me. It’s that awful in and out wiggling your hips thing – it’s just a killer. Jumping up and down on top of a boy is way easier if you ask me.
3. the fact the entry point is not designed to have anything forced in it, to push thru it is more hardcore work.
Nup anal is just blaaargh if you ask me and I can’t work out why everyone wants it. The temptation is always there to blame it on porn, or people being desensitised to’normal’ sex, but surely if people were bored, they wouldn’t do something that lacks as much imagination as fucking a girls arse.
It can’t be because of the view because to bonk someone doggy style you get the same view; it can’t be because it’s a more submissive position to have a lady in because hookers are never submissive even when playing at being submissive; it can’t b because people enjoy the smell (and I’m yet to meet a butt that didn’t smell after a good rogering); it can’t be because it’s tighter because I’ve had my fist up a girls bagina and her butt and the bagina was actually tighter and went on for a lot longer – butts have a big cavern (it’s where boys could store a baby if they ever got pregnant), when you get about 5 – 8 cm’s into it where there is no walls to be clamping down onto a penis so there would be no feeling around the head of the penis which is the bit most men like stimulated to cum…. I just don’t get it.
I asked my husband who’s gay (he’s my friend I take to couples events if a partner is demanded to attend like at friends weddings and stuff) why a guy would want to bonk a girls butt and he turned green and threw up. He can’t handle even the thought of girlie bits – it’s cute when I ask him to take pics of me in my knickers for my website hehehee. So instead I asked him if he ever had problems with his legs not being long enough or if he could give me some pointers on how to do it better or enjoy it more. Once again not a treasure chest of intelligent conversation or insight. He just said I was stupid if I couldn’t do it properly and by saying I can’t do it out loud, it makes me sound like a numbnut and as a hooker I should be ashamed of myself if I can’t do it and don’t get it.
Hmm I’m going to go and ask the boys at the sex shop how to do it when I go and pick up my penis pump and urethral sounds (mmmm shiiiiiiiiiiny). They have sex in parks, back rooms and sex on venue premesis in the dark, so if anyone can tell me how to do it and make my understand the fixation, they can. Having anal sex in the dark – now there’s an advanced skill set.
It just sounds boring and annoying. Of all the cool exciting things you can do… anal? Really?!
Oh I have news, but I’m fixated on anal at the moment so I won’t go on about that. Hey what is it with fisting girls as well? Everyone wants to fist anally and vaginally.
Argh the world of man sex baffles me at times – anal is just bloody hard work? Why would you want too?!
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