Lucy Blake's Weblog


Headjobs are now BDSM!

Last week was boooooooooring. I am desperately making plans to leave Brisbane and either go to Melbourne or head back to Sydney. The excitement for the week was going to vote – I TOLD YOU IT WAS BORING!

I received my 3 yearly phone call from my mother who instructs me to go get a pen and paper so she can then make me write down exactly who to vote for – she is one of those people where nothing is easy either so I have to vote below the line on the big white sheet of paper from 1 – 64 or was it 84? I think 64.

Apparently I can’t be trusted to vote for the right person (which would be Labor) because she thinks I’m a lesbian, so I’ll vote for some lesbian party like the Australian Sex Party because they support gay marriages/gay rights. Little does she know (well she probably does but wouldn’t admit it to her brain out loud) that I’d vote for them because I’m a prostitute with a website that would be banned if the internet filter was introduced which they don’t support – ho hum.

One of the prices I have discovered I pay if I’m a sex worker for an extended period of time is the family believes you’re a lesbian because you never have boyfriends. Hmm no wonder my sister won’t talk to me – a welfare worker AND a lesbian…. she would be mortified by me.

So I voted early – personally I think everyone should vote early because there’s no queuing up to vote you just walk straight in and do your business (yes voting for lying cheating scum bags is akin to ‘doing your business’ aka ‘taking a crap’ as far as I’m concerned). Just think, if everyone voted early, then maybe we wouldn’t have to have 4+ weeks of every TV station, radio station and telegraph pole assaulting our sense of decency and common sense with stupid election coverage.

Anyhooo Brisbane is DEAD – yup nothing happening in Brisbane except of course the lady down the hall from me who drops in every 2 – 4 weeks to work. She does 10 minute quickie jobs I’ve discovered. Hey I have a question for you…. How do you know a gent has just come out of a hookers unit?!?!?  He moves REAL quick while playing with his mobile phone – turning it on or checking to see if his secretary/wife has called I imagine.

I got in the lift with a particularly frantic Blackberry playing man this week and he stunk of candle wax. He had a polo shirt on with his top button undone so I could see the top of his fur line. I like fur so I was examining it closely and there it was… WAX! I was already smirking because I knew he had just seen the lady down the hall and he thought I had no idea (I don’t know why I find that so funny but I really do), but then he left candle wax on his fur. I stood there thinking “NO DON’T DO IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE! HE’S ALREADY SHITTING HIMSELF JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE” but nooooo I couldn’t. I moved over to him so he stepped back into the corner of the lift. I stuck my hand out and picked the wax off his fur and said “darling you need to be careful and make sure you pick all the wax off before you go back to work”. He just stood there staring at me with his mouth open and I stood there looking at him smirking. BAD LUCY, BAD BAD LUCY! I got out of the lift on the ground floor and he just stood there plastered to the back corner of the lift. My work there was done 😉

So yerrrrs Brisbane is DEAD for everyone but the girl down the hall. I spoke to some touring ladies and locals and they’re all very quiet as well. I feel sad for the touring ladies – touring is HARD for reasons no-one will ever understand unless they have toured.

I advertised in the paper the other week and averaged 96 calls a day. I thought I was advertising in the local paper but as it turned out it was Brisbane’s equivalent of the Telegraph in Sydney. For 2 lines with a bold heading for 7 days, it costs around $600. The newspapers AND Cracker which is just owned by the same wanks that own The Telegraph, have introduced these dumb rules around what you can and can’t say in a newspaper or an online ad. You’re not allowed to say you do natural services (of course in QLD its illegal), but you can’t say GFE even! Dumb dumb dumb. They give you the line that it’s all about National advertising laws / guidelines which is total bollocks but arguing with them is pointless unless you want to make it a life style.

I use to advertise in papers a million years ago and had a 95% conversion rate, but this time advertising for 7 days averaging 96 calls a day I scored a total of NO BOOKINGS! The calls were all completely different to what they use to be as well.

The 5 questions EVERYONE asks are (and there is no small talk or being friendly it’s purely someone shooting questions at you):

1.    What do you look like
2.    What services do you provide
3.    How much
4.    Do you do short time
5.    Do you do natural services

I don’t know why they just don’t jump to the last question first because as soon as you say “no natural services. In QLD they are illegal so I don’t do them” (Police are hard core with hunting and entrapment up here and ladies are frequently arrested and charged for it), they say “ok I call you back” which is code for “pfft. you suck and I won’t be seeing you anytime soon”.

So yerrrrs there’s $600 and 7 days of my life I’ll never get back. I did get a few hilarious calls though – can’t talk about them here of course because I value discretion even of people I never see, but wait for the book and I’ll tells ya 😉 Basically though, everyone who called was really rude and gross. Oh I did get 6 bookings out of it but they all no showed. That was alright though because the hooker spidey senses told me they weren’t going to show, so I didn’t even bother getting ready for them. I just cooked pop corn and gave myself a pedicure.

Now the people contacting me are seeing my website and they are calling and the conversations are going like this…

Gent: Hi Lucy, do you offer a BDSM service

Lucy: What exactly did you have in mind?

Gent: Rimming and giving you a head job

Lucy thinks: since when is rimming and a head job considered BDSM? God he must be awful at it and it’s going to hurt worse than waxing if it’s classified as BDSM!!
Lucy says: In QLD you need to use dental dams because of the laws

Gent: Ok I call you back

Lucy thinks: ok I’ll sit here and hold my breath
Lucy says: ok, no worries and have a lovely day

Ho hum

So yerrrs, Brisbane is all a bit blaaargh and I am making escape plans. I can’t be in a Police State where people who have nothing to do with OH&S make the rules on what you can and can’t do or say. It’s stupid. It should be Work Cover and Health (in consultation with sex worker orgs and sexual health services) who make these decisions. Not the newspapers, PLA, Police and politicians.

Anyhoooo that’s my exciting life for the minute. Blaargh 7am and I still haven’t slept – I’m too bored to even sleep. Sleeping’s already boring enough at the best of times. At the boring times it just seems ridiculously boring. Hmm I’ll go for a walk instead.

Hope you’re all having a lovely weekend,

Lucy
🙂
Ps. Oh and I got some new shooooooes I ordered 2 months ago, so I’ll have to write a happy blog and put some pics up! Oh yerrr and I’m about to build the log in members section of my website so I’ll update on that as well once I’ve written it – will do that after my walk 🙂

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21 Comments so far
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Flawless Escorts are well known for their utmost discretion which is one of the many reasons.

Brisbane Escort Services

Comment by Melissa White

They also found a middle aged man in Melbourne with a silly grin muttering “she might come to Melbourne”

Comment by Peter.88188

Peter Peter we have to catch up so I can give you the USB! You’ll be so impressed with the stuff you helped with 🙂 Literally you’ll be picking your jaw up off the ground 🙂

Wasn’t it only like 12 degrees in Melbourne yesterday? Do you have any idea what happens if you’re wearing latex on a 12 degree day? It sticks to you because you don’t sweat and it rips all your skin off. Nasty cold weather!

Still Melbourne to me would be what Wet and Wild World (or whatever those theme parks are called) to a 12 year old…. FUN! All sorts of interesting things to get into trouble with in Melbourne!

Weee!

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

Press Report…later that day…APA reports of the apprehension of a middle aged man who was walking in a dazed condition in the middle of the Sydney CBD muttering….
“She said she might go to Melbourne..”

Authorities fearing self harm have placed the man in protective custody in a “safe place”…

Comment by Lemm

Oi Lemmie! No self harming… that’s not fair! You haven’t let me take a flogger, electric box, fire or wax to you once – let alone give you a Listerine ball licking job (sorry that sounds so crass darling)no matter how much I tried to convince you a bit of pain is a good idea! Pain for gain is my department 🙂

Actually I have Listerine in my mouth right now!

Lemmie we should both book into that nice place Sydney Clinic. I have had a friend who went there when she went loopy. She was a sex maniac mental totally cool woman until they found her on top of a bridge running from one side to the other naked. They stuck her in there and when she came out she wasn’t a sex maniac and was totally normal – we stopped being friends because she found religion… the religion of psychiatry… but she’s got a totally normal life now and is this suburban house wife with babies! WOW maybe we could both move in for 6 weeks and have a little holiday and both come out totally NORMAL!

Oooooor you could let me take Listerine to your naughty bits and we shall carry on where we (should have if you weren’t such a sooky boy) left off!! heheheee

You’re such a sweet heart Lemmie 🙂 I miss you and our chats and stuff loads 🙂

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

Hi Lucy,
Love your blog. Agreed, Brisneyland can be one of the most boring cities in Oz. Don’t run off too soon though, as I’ll be in Brisbane city for the week starting 29th Aug. I’ll need a bordom break too while I’m there :->

Shaun

Comment by Shaun

Shaaaaaaauuuuun saaaaaaaave me!

I’ll either still be here or I’ll be sitting on the plane on the 29th. Have you ever been to the beach in the middles of the City? I’ve been told there is a beach somewhere in the City but I can’t find it. I looked everywhere for it, but I can’t find it.

The little chocolate Chinese mushroom biscuits cost $5.80 up here! They’re only $3 in Sydney…. it’s just NOT OK!

Yes best you come and save me…

I’ll be waiting!

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

Considering Bloody Melbourne!!??? What the $#@&^!!!!
Lemm falls off his chair!!
Sigh!!
Lemmie is not feeling very well at all!!!

Comment by Lemm

Lucy come back to Sydney, I knew you’d get over Brisbane after a while. Also don’t forget you have your responsibilities as a mother to your pooch.

Comment by David

I miss Chester soooooo much! No boys liked him, but I didn’t care because he’s my little dawgie. Boys don’t seem to like little woofa’s – they treat them like cats… with contempt. I don’t care but – he does The Chester Dance and he smiles at me and he sits in my back pack to be snuck out of my unit so I don’t get in trouble for having a daaawgie.

Oh David… I miss Chester the Chumpster 😦

Over Brisbane…. YES! It’s a bugger but because it’s always 5 degrees warmer up here! Did you know there is no such thing as good pizza in Brisbane and the Thai food is all wrong too!

Thanks for your comment David 🙂 and when I get back, I’ll even try and teach Chester how to lick people’s faces so you can have a smooch from him too 🙂

Mmmwaah!

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

come to Melbourne, come to Melbourne!

Comment by Peter.88188

” I am desperately making plans to leave Brisbane and either go to Melbourne or head back to Sydney”

Melbourne???!!! Fucking Melbourne???!!!! Now get that right out of your bloody mind right now young lady! And as for $#@%%^ Canberra!!!!….

(Lemmid regathers and re-forms himself back into the pleasant chap he is…)

Lemm

Comment by Lemm

Hi Lucy. I think it’s time you came back to Sydney. The climate in QLD is too good for BDSM. Canberra is the place for that!!!

Comment by Ian

I don’t even do BDSM! I’m no where near the working in a dungeon for 5+ years stage to think I’m competent enough to say I’m a Mistress, let alone pull off all the magical things those woman can do. I just know how to take what I learnt in a dungeon and turn it erotic – I’m no where near proficient enough to own my own cane for example and my flogger is the softest suede.

MMmmmm Canberra…. Canberra is LOVELY and Canberra boys are lovely, but I could never tour anywhere you need to register to be a sex worker. The whole concept of licenses, registration with govt authorities, getting a PCA etc is beyond offensive to me, so I’ll never go to places like that 😦

It’s a total bugger because my sister lives at the snow so I could go to Canberra lots!

Mmm hitting and sticking large things up politicians butts…. maybe I’ll have to forgo my principles and register after all in Canberra!!

Hope you’re well Mr Ian and thanks for your comment 🙂 I like that you comment 🙂 makes me smile you do more than lurk 🙂 makes me want to blog more and feel all appreciated 🙂

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

Hey Babe 🙂
some other fave Q’s of mine:
1) “What do you do for $50?”;
2) “How old are ya”?;
3) “$150? Does that come with anal?”;
4) “Do you know anyone else who does GS/BS/fisting/riding a donkey naked down the street? Got her number?”;
5) “I know you don;t do outcalls, but would you do it for me? You know my tongue will make it worth your while!” *nudge nudge* *wink wink*

Imagine if all these people were made to ask these questions aloud in a mirror beforehand. How many do you think would actually go through with the call???

Comment by roxanne wilde

Oh Miss Roxanne you’ve advertised in the paper as well! There should be a support group for people who advertise in the paper I reckon.

For me it wasn’t the questions so much I found offensive, it was the way they were asked. People from the papers seems to totally have disconnected from the fact they have a pulse and as corny as it sounds “their humanity”.

But yerrrrrs being asked 96 times a day “does $150 get me anal” is SUCKY LA LA in the EXTREME!!! I ended up not answering my phone from the 5th day – I got phone phobia. It was bloody awful actually.

All the ladies I spoke to about advertising in the paper before I did it told me you have to take a lot of rough calls before you get a beautiful call, but I never quite found the diamond in the rough shall we say.

Keep smiling Miss Roxanne and don’t let the bugger situations get you down (says she who does lol – I like to dictate how other people feel though! 😉 )

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

YAAAAAYYYYYYYY you’re moving and SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES. Hmmm gotta loves shoes.
Thinking how multitasking a person must the chick down the hall be if she can boink and do candle play all at once in a 10 min booking.

Comment by Georgia French

naaaah I don’t reckon she wears shoes – I was thinking about it while making toast this morning and I reckon in ten minutes I couldn’t even find my arse let alone pull my head out of it, let alone pull a g string off it, let alone bonk someone as well.

I don’t reckon the guy would have a shower. It would be in undoe the fly, get him off and leave. Like a handjob in the shower in the morning type of thing. Mind you, there is brilliant animal sex to be had in 10 minutes.

To complicated for my brain and call me old fashioned, I like to gaze lustily into someone’s eyes for at least 3 minutes before I bonk them.

There should be at least 20 minutes of making out IMHO as well

Meh to complicated for my noodle

Hope you’re having a great day Miss Georgia

🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

Hi Lucy,
How many pairs of shoes/boots do you have?

Kind Regards
Colin

Comment by Colin

Aaaw Colin… the answer to that question for a girl is always NEVER ENOUGH! I avoid buying them like the plague because it is totally addictive. So is buying makeup, handbags, latex, corsets and lingerie, oh and sex toys. It’s AWFUL being a girl 😦

How are you doing in Sydney Colin? I hope you’re not freezing your bott bott off to much in the early mornings.

Take care lovely boy 🙂

Lucy

Comment by Lucy Blake

Hi Lucy,
Every time I left after one of our business meeting Lucy I was always on cloud nine.
To many years have past since our last meeting that one should do something about planing a new business meeting.
Kind Regards
Colin

Comment by Colin




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