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Well here I sit… still…. sitting…. sitting…. bored bored BORED!
Many people would fantasise about being able to sit around day after day with nothing to do except well pick their belly button and stare out the window. Yes that’s right I have the perfect life… except of course that gets super boring after about… oh the third minute.
I did the math and believe out of the last 14 years of my life, I have spent just over 8 years sitting in a room completely alone. Well that’s my choice I hear you say, too true it is… but it’s complicated and I couldn’t be bothered to discuss that here right now (all though I’m sure some of the charmers currently commenting on my blog will do a social commentary for us).
So what does a hooker do to pass the time while waiting for the phone to ring or an email to arrive? Well when I’m sitting here (and sometimes for weeks on end without talking to a soul just waiting), I do stupid stuff.
I am currently doing my 7th Diploma. I often wake up in a panic literally ranting “no-one can save me but me”, so I jump out of bed in a sweat and study. I can’t do a degree correspondence because I find them terminally boring, but I can usually stick to a diploma because you can knock them over in 6 – 12 months because they let you do as many subjects at once as you like, unlike Uni. Currently I’m doing a Diploma in Business Management and I’m working on a most challenging assessment.
Today’s subject is Project Management and the assessment challenge is to write 2000 words on sticking ticket machines in a parking lot. That’s right, I am writing 2000 words on why I should technically put 2 people out of work and piss my car park customers off (no-one likes those stupid ticket machines), so I can save $26k a year. Mind you I won’t save my $26k a year that I won’t be spending on a real persons wages for a few years (especially because I’m not going to fire them, I’m just going to move them sideways all sneaky like) because I still have to buy the machine, pay a yearly rental on it, pay for it to be serviced when people set it on fire or it needs new ink etc). HOWEVER, I’m assured that a ticket machine is the way to go and I have to identify who I would consult, what I would say to them and how I would sell them on the idea.
To the person currently sitting in the box: “I’m sorry, I know you do a wonderful job but we’ve decided to replace you with a machine for no real good reason. Now just between you and I, I think you do a brilliant job and our customers love you, so I don’t want to lose you. I’m going to create a new job for you somewhere else in the centre”.
To the shops renting in the shopping centre “We have decided to put a ticket machine in and because this will bring our shopping centre in line with the Westfield Mega Malls, we’re going to raise your rent by $25 per week”.
To the customers: “To our valued customers. We are working to improve and streamline your shopping experience so we are introducing an automated parking ticketing system. If you would like to provide us with your feedback, when the machines are installed, please look under the machine at the back where you will find a little yellow button. If you press this button with your left pinky, it will record any feedback you would like to provide us with”.
To the shopping centre owners: “Dear super rich dudes. We are moving forward with installing the car park automated ticketing system. All key stakeholders have been consulted and notified and all look forward to transitioning to the new system. We are on target to saving employment costs incurred on wages in the car park sector as we let go of the two ticketing staff.”
Yup with me project managing the new ticket machines it’s bound to be a success… YAWN!
SO what does this little hooker do when the new automated ticket machines in the car park are getting her down and boring her more than naval gazing? Why she shops!
My new shopping has arrived!! It always comes in a nice big brown box like presents came in from Scotland when I was little.
Oooow ooow and then when you open it…..
It has magic brown crinkly paper in it! So what does a Lucy buy when she is completely bored at 4am?
TOYS TOYS TOYS! I LOVE TOYS!
When I go shopping at 4am I always have people in mind I’m shopping for. The most fun you have when shopping is when you’re buying stuff for other people so I always think about what someone who is going to spend time with me will like, or I think about someone who has spent time with me and I know will be coming back. So I always shop with people in mind when I shop because it’s more fun that way 🙂
I am always very impressed with people who want to try new things and push themselves a little bit. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate people who want a raspberry blown on their tummy, a scratch, a tickle on the bottom and a nice tender smooch (well I never really do tender smooching, I’m more of a jump down your throat kind of gal). HOWEVER, people who like to indulge in debauchery always make me think about them and how I can please them and push myself more to challenge and entertain them after they have gone. I have happy thoughts for the lovey dovey smoochie boys and actually quite often when they are gone, but I dwell and stew on the debauched boys.
I have one boy who can push himself to quite impressive limits. It may seem strange that I am impressed by people who push limits – actually I’m in awe of them. I have tried all things on myself before I try them on others (well most things except the crazy insane things), so I have a very basic understanding on what they are experiencing.
Take anal play for example. I’ve never liked it on myself because it bloody well hurts! I’m to uptight to ever relax my muscles to the point I could do it and enjoy it, but people who can – impress me. I remember sitting in a booking on my 6th hour with the critter (and he was a critter) sitting on the lounge with his back to me watching 3rd rate C grade hotel porn. I was given very strict instruction to sit on the table top behind him and play with my bagina with a vibrator and I was not to talk or interrupt his porn experience.
So I was sitting on top of this table watching this boring porn (and he was strange in that he only liked to watch the story line and would then pay for the next porn movie and switch off the old porn movie once the sex bit started) rubbing my bagina with a vibrator. After doing that for 90 minutes, my poor bagina was stinging every time I had to put more lube on it because I had rubbed all the skin off it.
I remember sitting there sticking the vibrator in my mouth giving myself head spins and it dawned on me that I should use my time effectively and practice stretching my butt so I could offer anal as a service – I was working with a lady who was charging $200 – $500 extra and I thought an extra $300 would come in very handy in my life. SO I sat on my table and tried and tried slowly corkscrewing this tiny vibrator into my butt. I set myself little challenges and if I didn’t meet my goal, I was punished by having to stick my other vibrator in my mouth and had to bite down on it for longer and longer periods of time.
Yerr I’m not a quick learner so I fell off the table with a head spin before I won the butt battle. Thank GOD he kicked me out when I fell off the table taking his laptop with me.
So when I meet someone who can do naughty things with their butt, I’m totally in awe and impressed with that. The skill and dedication to the art makes me admire my debauched boys. Soooo with this in mind, I bought a special person a special treat…. allow me to introduce you to…..
Don’t say you wouldn’t get down and worship at the altar of the boys who is skilled enough to be able to wooohooo with the intruder!! BUT WAIT there’s more……
Easy peasy I hear you say… BUT NO!!! see all those metal bits? They are the bits where the tzzzz tzzz flows threw it when it’s attached to the magic box!!! WOOOT! and they are NOT small… they are VERY impressive pieces of machinery.
Then I also got….
some enema bags – I use to love giving people enema’s in the dungeon. I don’t know why. I think it’s because it was the calmest time in the dungeon and to give someone a medical enema it’s a really caring thing to do – very nursie. It’s also pretty technical and enema’s are really fascinating.
Do you know how many blood vessels you have in your bottom and what can happen depending on what you put in the bag?! I saw a Mistress give herself a Red Bull energy drink enema and I’ve never seen someone literally fly around the roof for so long. I actually thought she was going to die so it was a bit scary but super funny at the same time!
Then I got some new shiny safety scissors for cutting things off people if it all goes side ways – it always makes me feel safe with safety scissors in my house. Like having a fire blanket in the kitchen – you just feel more settled and warm and snuggly knowing you have one.
I love S Hooks – there is limitless uses for S Hooks – anything you can buy in a hardware shop is under priced if you ask me – Hardware stores are like manna from the heavens – priceless!
Anyhoo that’s what I do when I’m bored about of my brain at 4am – I SHOP AND BE A DEVIATE!! (costing me US$1K!! I need to get me some shares in a devo shop)
Hmmm clearly I need to get a straight job again… wonder if anyone is still employing people to work in car parks? I know a fair bit about them now!
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