Lucy Blake's Weblog

Male sex workers


So it’s 3am and as usual I can’t sleep because it’s to boring to do that to yourself so I’m looking looking and BINGO! I find Boy escorts. So what does this female escort and sometimes “girl” (but not really because I’m not a normal girl so not a great jude there) think of what she has seen?

Well I found it all pretty giggle worthy actually. Me being me I’m a tad analytical and a boxer (subjective), so here’s the world according to this hooker…..

Their text is most ummm hmmm shit I don’t know…

Two boys said they’re clarivoyant and do tarot card readings and will speak to dead relatives in a booking… ROMANTIC!

lots of boys told me they LOVE ME …. AWESOME! but hang on wait… does that mean they love every female who is reading their profile? Typical bloody men – tell me what I want to hear so they can get laid.

Lots of boys did the worshipping and told me I deserve to be treated as a Goddess … no arguments there!

One boy told me he expects me to be clean because he has a high level of personal hygiene and high personal standards…. hang on, he’s standing there with his pants undone so the junk in his trunk is not neatly stowed AND his fur line is a mess – he has fur going this way, that way and is not neatly fur groomed at all!

They all take pictures of their shoes and they have VERY large feet…. I don’t like large feet. Looks freaky.

Some of them are using quotes from other female sex workers or fashion designers e.g. “a wise man once said”,…. no love.. a wise hooker once said!

Lots of them talk about sexual healing using sensuous techniques… does that mean they’re madly going to fuck me like an animal by candle light? When I’ve asked female friends what they would look for when booking a male escort, they all came out with gutteral animal noises while screaming I’D WANT TO GET FUCKED… I hope it means animal sex – why wouldn’t you just say animal sex?

Everyone is going to give me wings to fly on, take me to heaven or give me a spiritual experience… much like shopping then I imagine.

They all asked me if I wanted to be wined and dined because they’d be prepared to wine and dine me… awesome! Hang on… does that mean they’re paying? boys should pay for dinner… I’d feel strange asking. Urrgh hurts my head.

Then they list their services… it’s all HUSBAND SEX! uck uck uck. Why is it we girls have to list BBBJ, CIM, COF, ANAL, bodyslide, DATY, MSOG, 1 girl/2guys, 2 guys/2girls, 1 girl/2 aliens, massage, lap dance, strip tease, electro sex, light – heavy BDSM, blah blah. I’m feeling like dudes are a tad lazy!

So instead of not understanding, I have decided to become a male escort and write me a business

Name: I would not call myself after an after shave or a name my target age group is likely to have called their child or a common name for that age group. I would also not call myself the same thing I named my penis when I was 14.

Blurb: I’d do less of the worshipping and promising to grow me wings and more of the MAKE ME LAUGH! Make me laugh does NOT mean take pics of myself in a dress or discuss my personal preference for cross dressing. I’d also paint a picture because woman like stories e.g. depending on the age group either go for Mills and Boons fantasy OR porn.

Girls like fantasy so I’d sell fantasies e.g. The Beach Fantasy:  I’d love to take you on a date to Balmoral where we’ll spread my picnic blanket and eat fish and chips on the beach. Once we’ve chased the sea gulls and the sun has set, I’ll take you by the hand and walk along the beach out to the point where I’ll hold you close to keep you nice and warm against the cool sea breeze bah blah blah. I’d sell set fantasy packages woman can buy into and then equip myself with a picnic box and all the stuff that goes with a date on the beach (I have strap ons, butt plugs, rope and blindfolds for my male clients so I think it’s only fair male escorts equip themselves adequately).

I’d then have a:

Dinner package: I’d price it up so the lady didn’t have to pay for dinner instead I’d include it in my rate and pay

Chores package: including Coles shopping, car washing, dog washing, fixing stuff etc

BDSM package: for woman who have issues they need to get out

Nightclub package: for woman who want a hot boy to hit on them at a bar or have company to go out (I’d be a hot boy you see)

Sex package: self explanatory that one

Phone package: for woman who want someone to tuck them into bed at night and ask them how their day went. Basically someone lovely to give a shit about them and to debrief at the end of the day

hmmmm yes I do believe I would break down all the different aspects woman would like to have in a partner and sell themas individual fantasy/service packages. Men are lovely and everything, but many woman I know find their partners either don’t fulfill all of their needs, or they don’t have a partner and would like to enhance their lives with certain aspects of a relationship, but not others. Selectively single I suppose you could say – why take on a complete man, if you only want 20% of what they bring to your life.

Woman like to shop – woman like to try everything on if they have time, or like to see their options and pounce for the quick feel good purchase and you simply cannot do that if you don’t have all of the options. Focusing on sensuous angel wing creation and telling me to have a clean vagina, doesn’t really allow me to enjoy my shopping. Often it’s not the toy or dress you take home, it’s the process of the purchase for woman.

Anyhooo there’s an hour of my life I won’t get back!



ps. all of my research was NOT based on Australian male escorts. I’ve worked with a few male escorts in Sydney and have spoken to them about how their bookings go. They all work EXTREMELY hard in bookings – woman make the WORST clients if I compare my clients to theirs (especially the newly divorced ones who live in Vaucluse! I swear they all complain about the newly divorced woman living in the family home on the ex husbands money he has to pay when he divorces her and they all sook LOADS about woman in Vaucluse in particular)


8 Comments so far
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you’re a legend, lucy. 🙂 u & i should open up a male escort agency – hasselhoff himbos. after carefully training our charges to provide the quality service u have already outlined, we can sit back & watch the $s our in… 🙂

i love your work! keep writing, you’re the best. 😉

Comment by roxanne wilde

naaaah all of the male escorts I’ve worked with couldn’t keep a hard on so you spend the entire booking covering up the fact for them and having to over compensate. MOST ANNOYING!

One good thing about working with boys is, they never argue with you…. hmmm until you stop paying them and then they like to endow you with their wisdom.

Aaargh men are annoying – I knew I worked in a dungeon for a reason!


Thanks for your comment Miss Foxxxy Roxxxy!


Comment by Lucy Blake

How about a tall but slightly pudgy male escort who will whisper sweet nothings and tell you how beautiful you are; make passionate love to you; massage you; bring you strawberry angel cake and… YOU!!?

Come back to Sydney.


Comment by Lemm


I’d pick you to be my hooker EVERY TIME! I’m having a slight issue with not being able to get a lease so I’m flippin stuck in Brisbane!! I need to come back and squish my little Chester though, so just wrapping things up with old straight job so I can escape. Will you come and bring angel cake and be a good hooker when I come back for a visit as a hooker?!?

Comment by Lucy Blake

On the one hand, I do wish you would get more sleep, but I do enjoy reading your late night/early morning perspectives.

Comment by Peter.88188

Hahahaa well this morning I had a big rave Mr Peter!

Have a lovely day and SPEAK NICELY TO PEOPLE or I’ll chomp at you and lecture again


Comment by Lucy Blake

Hi Lucy

Glad to see you’re back on air, I was a bit worried that you really weren’t going to do this. Your hour spent on the male escort was not entirely wasted. I enjoyed it very much. You should be the pimp on Hung, it would be much more fun (and instead of those bullshit cookies you could do your angel cakes with messages baked in – and your messages would be funner).


Comment by David

OMG I despise her – she is the worst pimp EVER! She would have to be the most uninspired, boring, unprofessional pimp I have ever seen. When working for escort agencies in Sydney, I have never experienced anything like that. They’re all cut throat on the ball business people, not airy fairy stick notes in play doh and eat it people. Now a message in every piece of angel cake,….. I could soooooo gimmick that! I see a new website coming on!!

Thanks for your comment David 🙂 you’ve made me smile 🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

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