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I know I know I’m totally preoccupied with waxing and my bagina. It must be about the 5th blog I’m writing about waxing my bagina but I mean … I’m DIEING HERE!
Today I went to the McDonald’s of waxing. It looked promising.. it was on special… was only going to cost me $30… I was very excited… usually costs $100… I was VERY excited…. I walked in and they had BABY WIPES… yerrrs baby wipes for cleaning your bagina so I didn’t even have to pull out my half wet face washer from it’s plastic bag to wipe my bagina before waxing… so much to think about when going for waxing…. then I saw it…. STRIP WAX!
Ok so when getting waxed there will be two options. One is strip waxing and the other is wax waxing. If you get normal waxed they get an overgrown paddle pop stick and smear it on, wait for it to dry a bit (to about the consistancy of silly putty), then they rip it off. With strip wax, they smear the wax on, stick a strip of fabric directly over the top and rip the bugger off. Strip waxing hurts SHIT LOADS more. Now I’m into pain on my bagina for some reason.. actually I don’t mind a fair bit of pain as long as it’s done on my terms… but stip waxing… that’s a different realm of friggin nasty!
The worst bit was she was nasty to my bagin. She shot all of this nasty talcum powder all over it and then she stuck her dry finger on my bits and pushed them around and it made me cringe. Not because it hurt, but there is NOTHING worse than dry vagina. I HATE dry vagina and she put so much talc on its going to be dry forever. Imagine someone getting your eyeball, squirting talcum powder into it to dry it out and then sticking their latex glove fingers all over it and pushing it about. DRY BAGINA AND DRY EYEBALLS ARE NOT OK!
Anyway, she was ripping and ripping and I was going … AWESOME DO IT SOME MORE DO IT SOME MORE… and there was a little Japanes next door SCREEEEEEAMING “I’m sorry Im sorry it hurts I didnt know Im sorry I have to go Im sorry” and Im thinking DO IT SOME MORE and making all of my pirate noises.
Now but I’m sad… not so much my bagina but my butt bit. It’s not use to having the beeejesus ripped out of it so it’s all swollen and sad and stingy and sorry. I took some pics, but there is no way you can photoshop and bagina and butt bit to look even reasonably unsexual and this is not a pervey blog so no getting horn doggie on me. I will put a pic up of my naughty front bit that doesn’t include my butt bit so it doesn’t look horny. I never knew I could have a porn looking bagina, but when I took pics of my bagina and butt bit and all my bits were flapping about (god Im such a ho), I was all porn! As in you’d even think I had FF cup boobs and I have blonde hair porn! My bagina and butt bits could be porn stars!
Anyhow… your mission is to feel sorry for me and bring chocolate 🙂 Ooow and I bought all of this new lingerie to make myself feel better, but you have to wait another day for pics of it when my butt bit doesn’t mind being castrated by a rough dental floss bit. Nikki is going to take some pics for me and got all rolling of the eyes when I only have black lingerie so I bought some pink lingerie! ME IN PINK KNICKERS! Hilarious
Anyhoooo lovers and ladies… I’ll try and take Knicker pics tomorrow and below is my ouchy naughty bit!
Mmwaah! and take care critters 🙂
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