Lucy Blake's Weblog


The adventure of the toothpick and the trotter!

Well tonight I got stabbed by a toothpick! 

There was much swearing and sooking and stomping of my other foot. I had just put on my favorite little black dress, all of my hide out camouflage so you can’t see how ugly I am make up and the toothpick struck. Most sad yup. 

attack of the toothpick!

it got me!

 

Sooooo I called all of the medical centres but they were all closed by 6pm because this is Brisbane and to get a Doctor to come to your house is $175 but they wouldn’t come because there would be blood involved. SO I ws told to go to the hospital 😦 

I sat on my balcony trying to yank it out, but Mr Adventure Pick wouldn’t come out 😦 I tried to call Miss Nikki (because everyone has an annoying habit of calling her in Brisbane when they have a drama – I feel sad for Miss Nikki, but I decided to annoy her anyway) and a few other ladies, but they had all wisely turned their phones off so I was on my own. That’s the worst bit about being single.. you’re always on your flippin own and there is never anyone to sook too! (it’s why I blog because you listen 🙂 ) 

So off to hospital I go… hobbling down the street of Fortitude Valley looking like one of the locals with no shows on 😦 Into a cab and I tried to get Mr Taxi Driver to have a yank on it to see if he could get it out, but he just sat there and gave me the “you’re a moron stare”…. then WOOOSHKA the hospital 

Royal Brisbane and Women's Hospital

Royal Brisbane and Women's Hospital

 

I get there and there’s all of these stairs! 

staiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirs

stairs to no where!

 

 There’s no choice however, I’ve signed up for the adventure, I won’t be able to wear my Jimmy Choo Shoes until Mr Toothpick is gone, so off I trot on my little trotter…. 

Little trotters trotting

Litte trotters trotting

 

Inside we trot and my little trotter is starting to bleed all over the joint which one of the nurses finds really cool and goes ‘aaaw gross cool. Let me squeeze it”. She was cool – had nice teeth as well. 

Then the little trotter has to have a xray but it doesn’t show up wood, so then a Doctor who likes pus (I asked her favourite thing to do and she said she likes pus the best because it’s disgusting and rewarding – fair enough I say) came and had a poke around. My little trotter didn’t like that so she decided I need a full leg block because local aniseptic doesn’t work on feet because there’s to many nerve endings. I wanted to take pictures of her giving it to me but she wouldn’t let me in case she stuffed it up and I wanted to sue – fair enough. So I got 18 needles all over my ankle and foot – they used a 10 ml barrel with a 27 gauge tip which was cool seeing such a huge barrel – made it look gross and made my legs shake they were so scared. 

While we were waiting for it to kick in a few other Doctor’s came in because they like to do extractions in feet because the block never works so it makes it more interesting apparently. So the Doctor’s stood around discussing feet and pus and heart attacks. I asked them about the nerves in feet and gave my expert input and said “did you know in dungeons the bottoms of people’s feet is the only part of the body a Mistress will not cane besides parts of the bodies with major organs?”. The male Doctor’s looked at me like I was a whack job, but the female Doctor’s thought that was cool and asked me about the roots of Mistressing in relation to the Spanish Inquisition. The female Doctor’s thought it would be ideal to hit someone on the bottom’s of the feet if it hurt too much and I said ‘naaaah it hurts so much people wet themselves and make a mess all over the floor” and they just said “aaaah yes makes sense”. Then all of the boy Doctor’s decided to leave and the lady doctor’s got down to business with the scalpels and tongues. Did you know all the metal equipment in a hospital is one use only because it costs too much to clean it? I asked if I could take my scalpel, forceps and other bits with me but I wasn’t allowed 😦 

While I was having it cut out, I had the most coolest Tickle Me Elmo discussion ever with my doctor – she is into Elmo as well and told me I had to Google Elmo signing a duet with Botticelli “say goodnight” or something or other. Apparently it’s the sweetest thing ever to put you to sleep. Yup she was the super coolest Doctor EVER! and she has a boyfriend and he’s a Barrister, but because she is from another country whenever I asked her what he did, it sounded like the said “he’s a bastard” hahahaaaaa. Most cool. So cutting, pulling, poking and prodding and OUT HE POPPED! They let me take a picture of him …. 

Mr Toothpick

Pop goes the toothpick!

 

So then they stuck me with a needle for tetanus but that was a boring little needle so nothing to report their and was not a memorable part of the adventure really. Then I went to get off the table and I fell on my face because my foot wasn’t there! It’s like it had fallen off and I couldn’t feel it because of the blocker – I literally ROFL, was FUNNY! 

I got some cool pics of my ouchy trotter though! Before I show you them though, I just want to say to any Big Shots or lovely people out there who donate to a charity each year, that the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital is about the best hospital I have EVER been to. The staff were all sensational, they were quick, didn’t treat you like another lame body to be left sitting around the walls making the place look cluttered and were just remarkable. If anyone would like to wooshka some money their way, I believe they are amazing. I told them I worked with sex workers in my straight job and they didn’t treat me like a lurdo or judge sex workers at all even! 

So anyway there was the exciting midnight adventure of the toothpick and the trotter. Now you may have the gory picture… 

ouchy tootsie

ouchy tootsie!

 

see the blood – gross huh?! cooooooool 

the whole my brian fell out of!

hold your foot up or you'll fall out of the hole!

 

Lastly, to the person I stood up tonight, I am sooooooooooo sorry and I will make it up to you BIG TIME! 

Take care everyone and if my foot gets all pusie and gross and disgusting, I’ll take a pic so you can see 🙂 

Lucy 

🙂

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12 Comments so far
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“Had a friend, heard she cried.
On a toothpick she was crucified.”

and now we know why, despite it’s environmental credentials, the recyclable wooden hyperdermic syringe never made it to commercial release.

Hope that the trotter is all better now.

PJ

Comment by Anonymous

Lucy, what about an update? Have you and your foot survived the ordeal?

Comment by Peter.88188

aaargh I haven’t had time to blog I’ve been doing boring worky type stuff.

I had some more pics taken the other day… I can edit some of them down and whack them up…

brb I try and do it now

Comment by Lucy Blake

I have spent the afternoon reading your posts and have finally stopped laughing. You’re a funny fucker Lucy.

My brother shot me with a nail gun once (it’s a long, complex story involving years of pent up frustration being released as he pressed that trigger – very pleased he feels better for it) anyway, as a result of the nail protruding from my forehead, we went to the hospital. (Tried pulling it out with pliers and all sorts of things but realised when we tied huge breaking strain fishing line to it, secured the other end to an open doors handle then slammed the door – intention to drag the nail out; outcome me accelerating at the speed of a slamming door, hitting my head – read nail – on the door which of course drove the nail in further)

off to the hospital working out stories of how it happened without revealing the fact my brother shot me. Work out a story that i fired a nail into a wall, it ricoched out and struck me in the head. That will convince ‘them’ !

Check in at A &E and the sister says “who shot you!”. How do they know these things? Cover story time. I explain how the nail ricoched into me, Sister asked me how the nail managed to turn 180 degrees ? We are busted …..

Comment by Brad

Brad that is a kick arse story!!

My sister stabbed me with a nail file in the head once and in the head once but NEVER with a nail gun!

AWESOME!

hahahaa you poor bugger… or maybe he was the poor bugger. That there was some SERIOUS pent up pissedoffedness. You must have been a bad bad boy 😉

Comment by Lucy Blake

I’ll look forward to kissing it better

Comment by Peter.88188

HEY it was waaaaaay ouchier than a kiss could make feel better… needs pancakes to feel better

yup

🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

I’m glad everything turned out OK, but I’m amazed you were able to take photos while all this was happening 🙂 That’s dedication for you.

Comment by McLovin

Always focused on the mission McLovin.. if you don’t so something silly, then you focus on the reality and that is NEVER a good look in my world hehehee

Thanks for the comment!

🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

When I looked at the top shot I thought Lucsiousness (now I know you already know who is writing this), couldn’t you just get a pair of tweezers and pull??! But then I thought, given her Lusciousness it could never be that simple. Hope you are not to pusy.

Waiting for your return South

Lemmie

Comment by Lemmie

LEMMMMMMMIIIIIIE! How are you gorgeous boy?!

You’ve been giving those poor folks on the forums a bad time I see heheheee. Bad me I shouln’t mention the evil FORUM word.

Lemmie I tried and I tried and I tried to pull it out and it’s not that it hurt so much, it just wouldn’t bloody budge! Even at the hospital they couldn’t yank it out, so it was wedged into the wedgie and wouldn’t unwedgie.

I hope you’re well and you’re wearing your smiley face AND you had better be missing me

You take care of you Lemmie until I get back when I can give you a big hug or you can give me one of yours,

🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

oh Lucy….i know your pain. Many years ago I did exactly the same thing except with a dressmaking pin that had fallen onto the carpet. Hope it heals all fabulous and stuff.

Nice to see you again (well sortof)

Comment by Misterteddy




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