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So it always sounds like a good idea at the time and you can feel this little spark go off in your mind, a little thrill, a little brain chill that screams “oooow if I say yes I know he’ll like me” and so it begins…
… the worst sexual suggestions I agreed to
having sex in cars – WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?!? You get seat belt burn, sticks up you bum and the last time I bonked in the car, it was a sports car and I thought this is doable if I just get my head out of the sunroof on the up stroke. Do you think you can get your head out of a sunroof even if you try REALLY hard? That would be a no, so you walk away with cuts all over your face
Anal sex.. WTF is that about?!
Sex on a Sex Swing – I was throwing up for about half an hour after that. The motion sickness of swinging while bonking was intense. It’s not so bad if you keep your eyes open, but I like to keep my eyes closed because I’m SOOOOO shy. hahahaa
Sex on the rocks at the beach – when a wave washes away your knickers so you lose a lovely pair of knickers. The grief, the loss, it’s awful! Horrified at my lovelier than strawberry ice cream knickers floating away, I instructed him to get in and get them. Do you think he’d go get them?! What was I thinking trying to make him like me?!
Sex on a Trek – I walked up the front face of Thredbo all the way to the top of Mt Kosciusko and was so sick when I got to the top. 4 hours of pure pain and dreading my lust for this man. He tried to bonk me on the top of the Mountain.. but I showed him and vomited all over him.. aaargh god I was sick
Sex on every surface top in a house – what is it with men wanting to bonk on every single surface in his house. Gentlemen… there is NOTHING sexy about picking up a girl and putting her hot little bottom down on a cold marble top! NOTHING….. IT’S COLD!
Agreeing to be tied down… can we all say zzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zz zzzzzzzz. Mind you the fact it was proper climbing rope was pretty cool, but once you realise you can cheat and get out of it makes it less cool
Sex while canyoning – bonking on an outcrop of rock in the middle of this canyon, when you feel something banging against your leg. You look down and it’s a dead wombat caught around the calf of your leg….. gives me the horrors to this day. I had to spend the next 6 hours going down that canyon terrified of dead wombats and kangaroos underneath me waiting to drag me down under the water. FREAKED ME OUT! swore off making him try to like me for a whole 10 minutes after that incident.
… the best
4wd sex – with one of those keep the dog in the back metal grate dividers between the boot and the back seat. Anyhooo he decided to pull the car over and bonk me on the back seat. There is something completely delightful in this dirty animal way about wrapping your little fingey’s around some industrial metal that dogs have slobbered all over that is disgustingly satisfying and then 3 minutes later the sex is done, you get back in the car and drive on like nothing happened. Pure animal, satisfying in the moment then forget it lust sex… yerr that’s kind of cool
hmmm something wrong with the scales if you have sex to make people like you… I can only think of one time I actually enjoyed it! Was it worth it?… hmmmm naaaah being a sex worker is waaaaay more personally satisfying than anything you could ever do in your personal life.
Hope everyone is out there bonking madly and wearing a smile on their satisfaction dial!
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