Lucy Blake's Weblog

Slack Tart that I am!


I’ve been a slack tart I know I knoooooow! I just read a forum I’m doodling about on and someone said they use to like my blog and I thought “Lucy you lazy cow, get it together!”

So to the adventures of Lucy in her new job…. hmm well Brisbane is SUPER HOT and I love it. One of my favorite mottos in life has always been “the sweatier the wetter the better”. It’s one of the reasons I love latex so much… yummy sweaty mess all sliding around on the inside. I’ve always actually imagined it feels like it would if you went to one of those Asian establishments where they give you a wet soapy massage. Would be like walking in, choosing 6 gorgeous ladies and getting them to soap you up and massage you all at once… except the noise. I was told by a serious punter once who use to like punting in Asia (and everywhere for that matter), that the worst part of seeing 3+ ladies at once was the noise and he spent the entire time trying to keep them on opposite sides of the room so they couldn’t talk to each other.

Anyhooo so yus Brisbane is HOT! Hmmm oooow and everyone waits at the traffic lights to cross the road!! AND the shops all close at 6pm!! 6pm!! I’m someone who functions better at night so 6pm for me is a stretch so I’m living on those Chomp chocolate bars and macaroni and cheese snack packs.

I tend to say the wrong thing alot here as well – people don’t seem to look at me in Brisbane and go “aaaw aint she a cute little space cadet” like they do in Sydney, people here look at me and go “WEIRDO”. For example… I just went to Night Owl (they have them instead of 7/11) and the guy had a tattoo. It looked like a bug to me so I asked him what kind of bug he had on his arm. Apparently it was Ned Kelly not a bug and I was told to think before I opened my mouth. Can you believe that?!?! Me think before I open my mouth!! Will never happen. As for the bug thing.. mental note to ones self… men don’t get bug tattoos so don’t say that again, it makes them feel unsexy. Mind you, I do know a girl who has a giant scabie tattooed onto her back, but that’s a long story. I had to spend a whole 3 minutes digging myself out of that particular pile of pooh – the guns looked like bugs arms – not guns.. pfft wasn’t my fault.

I had to go and buy new sheets and towels when I got here and I went to the happy house wife shop ‘Adairs’. I like it there because they gave me a $10 gift voucher for singing the National Anthem on Australia Day – hell I even joined the club I was that happy. I always go in and ask to speak to a mother when I need help because mothers know best. So I was standing there asking this mother shop assistant what sheets she would buy if she did therapeutic massage (that was my cover story when I said I get oil all over my sheets so I need to know which thread count was best for washing out oil). She’s standing there saying to me “well dear it really does depend on your turn over and how many people you plan to have in and out of your bed”.  Couldn’t stop laughing – she thought I was a wanker hehehee.

Everywhere I go I’m having the trippy conversations here!

Oh and Australia Post here is a completely different experience – they are super heros. Your mail comes straight away! Takes me 3 days to get a letter to go 4 blocks away in Sydney, but here the Post Man comes with a new letter every single day! Most impressed with Australia Post here.

Not impressed with the debt collectors here though – the guy who use to live here went a tad mad and got into a spot of bother so I have debt collectors coming to my door. They would have to be the most aggrevating, non friendly, non helpful, non believing people in the world. One of them wanted to come into my unit to check for mens clothes in my wardrobe to verify my story that the indebted guy wasn’t living here. Lucky I didn’t have a man tied to my bed at the time! Oh and the unit was furnished with a bed and accompanying wildlife so I was covered in bed bugs the frst 2 days I was here so I had itchy blisters all over me. Luckily a lady was horrified (she was convinced the dude died on my bed and it was cursed) and she drove all the way to Cairns to get me a new free bed.

Hmm oooow and the ladies in Brisbane are absolutely LOVELY! I’m actually really shocked in Brisbane at the difference in the industry. It’s like Sydney use to be 12 – 14 years ago. I’m extremely lucky in that I was adopted by one lady, who then introduced me to some other ladies and just because she said I was lovely, I have all of these ladies treating me like family. I mean literally like FAMILY! Nothing is to much effort, nothing is a silly question, nothing is a no, they are just all spectacular. I’ve never had anyone be lovely to me before (besides certain gents and I trick them into thinking I’m lovely hehee) so I’m quite spun out by it all. People up here actually want to be your friend!

I’m also most excited because the ladies have told me they’ve read my wiki which makes me very excited 🙂 One gorgeous creature even bought me a bunch of flowers and some yummy drink I scoffed straight away as a thank you – CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??!?! How lovely is that?!?!? I almost died. It’s like you exist here and people actually take the time to tell you that you exist in their lives.

The ladies up here are all very stunning in a really effortless way. That’s alright but because just means I have the old slack tart market cornered heheeee. I walk down the street thinking…. phhhwwwwooooooar wish I looked like her! Ooow and I went to a strip club with some ladies for a night out and I think I’ve decided to be a stripper or erotic dancer or whatever the PC term is. I feel like I’m overseas and no-one knows me so I’m now able to stand on top of the tables and dance around like a mental and I don’t even have to be drunk to get away with it. I’m a little bit scared though because the fake boobs call me when I look at them even though I don’t want them. However I’m a believer in ‘if you’re going to do something thrash it”, so I know I’d get them – kind of like if you’re a hooker you get a website, if you’re a stripper you get boobs! yup

Ooow the Zumba TV Demtel TV commercial is on! BRB I gotta go Zumbaaaaaaa……..

my butt is going to get toned and I’m really going to spice up my life! I’m going to get the DVDs and everything in my life really will become positive! I’m going to lose 27 pounds in 2 months! (however much that is) . Let’s Zumba baby!

The straight job is going really well 🙂 I wish I could tell you all about it because I have the bestest job in the Universe and you’d all find it absolutely fascinating, but I’m not allowed 😦 But it’s absolutely brilliant!

Oooow and I’ve got the ugliest tan lines EVER! Can you believe that?! ME WITH A TAN and not a red tan from having my butt slapped!!  I’d put up a picture, but my 3 week old computer decided to die so I can’t photoshop it down to a manageable size, so you’ll have to wait until Mr DHL brings it back then I’ll put up a pic.

Anyhooo I have to be up and functional in 3 hours so best I go and be sleepy. Promise to blog more often and stuff and yup pictue ASAP.

Hope you’re all doing super well and are happy and bonking lots of lovely woman!




ps. oh and I have a new website but I’ve forgotten the url for it. My website is illegal in Qld so I had to put a new one together. When I remember the url, I’ll let you know.

night night


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hi Lucy,Looks like the move up to QLD was the best decision for you.
Kind Regards

Comment by Anonymous

Hi Lucy, Glad to hear you’re doing well in the new job!! Would kill to find out what it is but I’m sure, you will make a great success of it.

Comment by Ian

Lucy, welcome back to blogging. Some of us have been having blog withdrawal symptoms. Sounds like you made the right decision to move North. Look forward to further adventures as they happen.

Comment by Peter.88188

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