Lucy Blake's Weblog

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I fed my dooogie bacon and now I’m petrified he is going to die.  My mum calls me every day to tell me I’m going to kill him. She lists all the new ways she has come up with that I am irresponsible and can potentially kill anything breathing in my presence (and she hasn’t even seen my website so has NO IDEA what I’m really capable of).

I dialed into a conversation with my bestest smarter than me friend and keeps things alive in general person and this is how it goes….

DumbDumb says:
hope bacon doesnt give CHester runny poohs
Girlfiend says:
shes an indoors pig
hmm um it might
DumbDumb says:
dont say that!!
I panic
I google
Girlfriend says:
u have to teach him to crap on the bluey
its very oily
make slippery poohs
DumbDumb says:
oh shit yerr
Girlfriend says:
and rich
too much salt too
DumbDumb says:
ok I feel bad now
I killing my dog like my mum says
Girlfriend says:
was a treat
DumbDumb says:
did you know there is a site called
Girlfriend says:
oh um nice
DumbDumb says:
there is an organisation set up for dog shit
Girlfriend says:
why do you know this shit
DumbDumb says:
frig I know Im going to kill him
Girlfriend says:
you’re not
DumbDumb says:
he is looking at me
Girlfriend says:
just give him plenty water and crunchies
no soft food for cpl days
DumbDumb says:
shit he’s looking at me and just standing there
staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaring at me
with eyes
he’s got eyes he looks at me with
Girlfriend says:
yup thats what they there for

Yerrrrs these are the intellectual fascinating conversations hookers have with each other at 1am while they are making banners and gossiping! Bet you all thought we talked about manicures, lingerie and the latest orgasm we had! We then went onto discuss being banned from forums and my inability to be bothered to go to the effort to log on let alone participate to get banned; falsifying documentation so my mother would think I actually went for a bank loan and was turned down (she wants me to get a loan, but my lies kind of make me sound like I could get one – I cant tell her I am a hooker and I don’t give myself group certificates to show the bank) and a myriad of other equally ridiculous topics.

Ever noticed how you say the think you’re talking about without meaning to when you’re having a conversation? Like the word “shit” was mentioned 5 times without actually being directly related to runny pooh’s in the above convo! Kind of like if you’re seeing a really young guy and you call him “boy” ie. “on your back boy”, or “what would your mother think if she saw you with that in your bottom?!”.  You may call lots of your clients “boy” as a term of endearment ie. ‘oh you’re such a lovely boy I just want to smooch you forever’, but if a young guy walks thru the door you make a conscious decision not to say it so he isn’t uncomfortable. BUT of course you call him ‘boy’ and ask him what his mother would think at least 20 times in that booking because your trying not to talk about it, so you say it more.

Oh god Im insane.

Anyhoooo happy to report everything is allllll good in Lucy Land. I’ve been building a website for someone else, but it means I’ve been neglecting my own website. I’ve had an AWESOME idea for it, now I just have to get busy and do it. Actually I have to get busy and do a few things on it. Takes soooooo much fiddle farting around effort to do this stuff.

I’ve been doing the most excellent adventures lately as well – for the first time in my life, I’m actually LOVING doing what I’m doing. I’ve been wearing my latex and boots and been doing the absolutely coolest things in bookings! Since I changed the wording on my website, I am getting the most interesting, coolest adventures and emails. I got to put on my latex dress and boots for the first time in forever last week. I LOVE LATEX! I LOVE LIFE! Strangely though, apart from hardcore gents escaping dungeons, I’m also getting emails from gents new to the industry. It’s always baffled me why someone who is new to this side of life, would want to see me. I think I’m mental and not for the feint hearted, so why someone who is lovely would want to see me has always escaped me.

Interesting fact… did you know that when girls get breast implants, if they have large rib cages, they’re boobs will move further apart in slippage and that’s why some ladies have a bigger gap in between their boobs? yup!

Depressing fact… Gough Whitlam our Fearless Leader was a member of St Paul’s at Sydney Uni. When the pooh hit the fan this week in the media, I had a look at their website to see what the fuss was all about and there it was… past students included GOUGH WHITLAM! I managed to spin it all around though and made him a hero for attending so all good 🙂 Their website is infuriating to say the least.

Anyway Chester keeps looking at me so best I run away.

You all have weet weams and I shall do my website stuff tomorrow so hopefully cool things to report!





2 Comments so far
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Dear Lucy

I am really pleased that You have a little Doggie to look after, the experience can only assist You with the betterment in Your understanding of all things Male.

Men and Dogs have far more in common than You may first realise. For example, Conversation and communication. If I may borrow from Your Blog:

The Conversation as spoken:
DumbDumb says:
hope bacon doesn’t give CHester runny poohs
Girlfriend says:
was a treat

The conversation as Heard by Doggie
DumbDumb says:
Blah blah bacon Blah blah blah blah
Girlfriend says:
Blah blah treat
Note how Doggie has tuned out all parts of the conversation that do not directly involve the satisfaction of a base desire. Doggie will then spend the rest of the afternoon forlornly wishing that it could master the art of the tin opener before spending a relaxing afternoon licking it’s own genitalia.

Consider now the Male response when in a similar situation
The conversation as spoken:
Waitress says:
Okay, that’s one Chicken Breast, one medium rare rump steak and a side of hot buns

The conversation as heard by the average Male:
Waitress says:
Blah blah blah blahBreast, blah blah blah rump blah blah blah hot buns.

And finally the conversation as heard by the average Male if the Waitress is even remotely attractive to Him:
Waitress says:
You are such a stud. Breast.
I love it when you perve down my top. Rump.
I am so Hot for You. Buns.

Note again how the Male has tuned out everything that does not fit with his carnal view of how the world should be.
He will , undoubtedly spend a frustrating afternoon fantasizing about all of His most base desires and furiously wishing that he could master the art of licking his own genitalia!

Now, with all of that in mind, I urge you to worry less about anything that you may or may not say to a Client during a booking. Because I guarantee that if you are saying it from within the confines of a latex suit, or He really does have “THAT in his bottom” He is not listening to a damn word that You say.

anyway, best go, as there is a Foxy Waitress in need of some attention. (I think that She is Hot for me!)


Comment by PJ

Other than a sometimes unfortunate gastrointestinal reaction from too much bacon, you won’t kill your dog. However some things will and these include chocolate and onions as well as of all things grapes. Grapes can appear safe but vets don’t know why some dogs die after eating grapes. Good luck with your ongoing parental responsibilities.

Comment by Peter.88188

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