Lucy Blake's Weblog


Feeling like a sex worker

Helloooo all!

Well for the last 2 days I’ve been at a course and as per usual it’s a Twilight Zone ridiculous experience. It’s always been a toss up between social workers and psychiatrists as to who you can sit me in a room with who will make me nuts quicker. I always thought psychs were more dangerous than social workers, but nope I was wrong… it’s the SOCIAL WORKERS who will forever more make me scream DANGER LUCY BLAKE DANGER!!

Psychiatrists are like people who test blood. They’re diagnosticians (sounds like the name of a religious movement) in that they test you, diagnose you and then medicate you – quite civilised really as long as you can manage to out talk them so they don’t get a word in. Social workers are infinitely more deadly because they diagnose you, theorise you and then mess with you. It’s that middle and end step that’s the danger. Psychs just accept the fact your a nutter and medicate you as a consolation prize, social workers need to apply you to a theory and then talk you out of it whether they have permission to or not.. NOT FAIR!

I’m sitting in a Supervision course that just keeps hammering home the fact I need to “caaaare” and ask how people I work with “feel” and let them come to their own decisions about why they fucked up.  I mean call me insane but I don’t want to know how people who work for me “feeeeel”. If I want to know that stuff I’d outsource it and get the psychologist to write me a report. Why on Earth would I want to know how someone feeeeels?! Clearly they feel like crap and I think it is infinitely more helpful if I outsource their feelings so they can have a good bitch about me and their jobs in complete freedom and safety and to get it off their chests. As if you’d tell your boss the truth… talk about giving someone with a gun a gift wrapped bullet!

Then I point out the fact if you work in a peer based organisation, you can’t ask someone how they feel. If you employ active sex workers to do peer education meaning they go into brothels and out to the street to support and educate other sex workers, it is very dangerous to ask someone how they feel. Imagine you’ve just done a shift and you’ve had a sex worker tell you in fine detail how they were raped and bashed and then an hour after you finish your straight job, you have to go and work your bent job in a brothel as a sex worker. If I turn around the next day and say “so tell me how it made you feeeeeeel when she was telling you about being raped and then how it made you feeeeeel to go and work in a brothel that night”….. how unfair is that?!?! 2 hours after that conversation in your Supervision session, she has to go to work in a brothel again… that’s just plain nasty.

I was trying to explain that sex workers don’t always have the luxury of feelings. Whether you’re a social worker doing peer education and support, whether you’re a sex worker who has to go home to their kids and partner, whether you’re a sex worker who has to go home to her mum, whether you’re a sex worker who has to go home to herself, we don’t have the luxury to live in the moment. We don’t have the luxury of  reflecting on our feelings and the pros and cons of our experience that day, or the day before or the day before that.

I was trying to explain that it is unprofessional and unfair of me to bring down those brick walls if they are just trying to get on with it. Do you think the 14 Social Workers in my class were having a bar of that?!?! pffft. They were trying to convince me I should trick them into telling me how they feeeeeeel so they wouldn’t realise it was happening so I could find out and magically they would never know. I mean seriously THEY THINK HOOKERS ARE DOPEY! Trying to fool a sex worker is like trying to fool your mother.. AS IF?!?! I pointed out we aren’t stoopid which of course outted me as a sex worker to the class, then it was on.  They sat there trying to fix me which of course was a red flag to a bull so I escalated with “no REALLY, I LOOOOVE working in a dungeon and caning people and I’m not happy until I see the blood spatter on the roof”… all untrue, but they MADE ME SAY IT! They were positively irrate someone would like working in a dungeon. Well the woman did when they worked out what a dungeon was, the boys just smirked at me.

Luckily it was break time and then I went outside and cried. SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FORCE A SEX WORKER TO FEEEEEEEEL?! They didn’t catch me but so I still win 🙂

So all in all a most unsatisfactory day for someone who is unable to live in normal world. All of these people sitting around talking about their greatest dramas at work and I’m sitting there thinking that if I had to work in a place with those dramas, I’d die of boredom. No matter what one tries to live in the normal world, one can never find a hole deep enough to hide their weird bits in.

So tell me how you feeeeeeel, as long as it’s not normal because thats boring, and as long as it’s not horrific because that’s unfair.

So what did she learn? Sex work is normal, people are NOT! Social workers are just plane scary!

Lucy Lu Lu Lala la pass me the cane laaaaaaa

Lucy Blake Sydney Escort

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5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

As per my experience, social worker are really nuts. Every person has their own mind set up and point of view, but they are trying to wear us there spectacles. Something is awfully wrong with this picture.

Comment by bijoudolls

I think what is a normal life and what isn’t is different for each person. Its not something anyone should be negative about but to be as positive as possible. I think its the only way to stay sane. Peter is right those boots do look great on you.

Comment by Don

Hi Col,

I think what you’re describing is sadly ‘normal’ for a heck of a lot of people in the needing to work 2 jobs and being scared about if you can pay the bills. On the other hand, I’ve met a lot of people who will never have to stress a single days in their lives and neither will the next 20 generations of their families.

I suppose what makes sex workers feel abnormal is having to live in a closet and feeling like no-one will understand the concepts and particular stresses involved and how they translate into the ‘real’ world.

I think feeling not normal is when you cannot identify with the majority and they don’t even know you exist and cannot identify with you even if they do know you exist. Of course it could all just be bullshit in my own brain… me twisting things has been known to happen shall we say.

Thanks for your thoughtful comment Col – it’s made me think some more which I really appreciate.

Peter I LOVE strapping into my boots lol, how did you know?!? What’s bad is when you have to hammer the metal loops down and you’re to lazy to take them off to do it so you end up hammering metal bits into your shins – when you’re on the ‘pain feels good trip’ it can have consequences shall we say – promise not to bruise you though – unless of course you find the awesome part of your brain that is 🙂

Thankyou for you comments gents,

Lucy
🙂

Comment by Lucy Blake

Is living in a normal world where one goes through life with out a worry in the world.Where doors open and life is just grand and the sun always shines.
Or is living in a normal world one where one worries about if all the bills are paid or there is enough food on the table.
Or is it having to bring in more than one income to stop the dreaded knock on the door.

Comment by Col

Nil bastardio carborundum (bastardised latin for don’t let the bastards grind you down)
I’m sure you find lacing those boots very therapeutic, and allows you to regain your equilibrium

Comment by Peter.88188




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