Lucy Blake's Weblog


Hooker Missing In Action!

Hmmm my original name was MIA because I use to go Missing In Action all the time when I worked for my first escort agency. Seems things have gone full circle and I’m once again Missing In Action – maybe I’ll change my name back to Mia.  Anyhooo boring…

Sooo I have been MISSING!! Did you miss me?! The good news is I’ve come back more fascinating than ever! Yup that’s right, I shit you not… did you know crocodile’s swallow rocks so they can dive down deeper? Seeeee I’m cleverer than ever 🙂

So what’s been happening in La La Land of reality? Well I am soooo bored having a normal life that I’m considering going and working in a brothel to give my head space a little bit of chaos. I find myself doing spastic things to be unnormal. I have actually made a list of all things a hooker should do when she is pretending to be normal in a straight job to keep her pulse just above dead

1. once a month I lock myself in my bosses office and wax my bagina on top of her desk (it is the place with optimum light source in the building). I tried doing my leg once as well but that hurt to much so I wont be doing that again

2. I have started a side business where I sell photocopies of my feet for people with foot fetishes, so I spend a fair bit of time taking photocopies of my feet – I got caught doing this once and got in trouble for it but ONLY because I was doing color photocopies and they cost 47 cents each. If I was doing them in black and white I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble because they only cost 4 cents each… go figure!

3. for a quick naughty fix, I go to the toilets next to my bosses office and have a cigarette hanging out the window

4. teach the people who are on my team Christian Camp songs – for some reason people find these incredibly disturbing. When I was working at the Dungeon, you could be with the most perverted person doing the screwiest, out there things and if I began singing a Christian Camp song, they’d totally FREAK OUT!

5. go for a drum lesson. Yup I’m learning the drums. Someone on my team is in a Big Shot band – he’s like a rock and roll super  star type person. He’s teaching me how to hit stuff properly 🙂

6. call agency’s who hate my agency for a shit stir – nothing like the sound of someone becoming all constipated as they have to remain calm, nice and professional on the phone to you.

7. go down into the dungeon (the basement at work) where we share storage space with a hospital, set up an obstacle course of piles of magazines, archive boxes and other assorted stuff, jump in a wheel chair and play a game which is a cross between dodgem cars, smash up derby and ten pin bowling

8. go and breathe in the general direction of the ‘gollum’. He’s this guy I work with who does this gollum/smeagle thing whenever he sees me. One minute he’s a precious little Smeagle and then he looks at me and the vein in his head pops out and he starts ranting and screaming and going mental in general. Generally puts on a pretty cool floor show at the mere site of me.

9. break the phone of someone I work with I don’t like much and then watch as they get in trouble for it

yup that’s right I find normal work and normal life BOOOOOOOOOOORING! It’s the boredom that gets you when you go back to normal world.  Maybe I’ll have to step up selling photocopies of my anatomy and build a different type of website. Gawd who knows… all I know is I’m turning BORING! I’m even COOKING!! I’m like turning into a completely normal functioning person and I mourn me.

Hmm except I did this booking the other night that went for 8 hours and we talked about dead body factories in the US the entire time.  He wrote me a review but he is to scared to put it up in case the local cave man board attacks him for it. Yup that’s right, my favourite review board of all time, is maintaining the rage and still hammering anyone who reviews me.  Why people fear being ridiculed from review boards is beyond me.  Anyhoo that is a different rant altogether. Yup it would seem the most interesting conversations and people I meet are still the people I meet as a sex worker… best I do more of it then I think…. aaargh the drama of answering your phone in this day and age though… blaaargh… yerr maybe I’ll go and work in a brothel on the weekend because I lack the discipline to answer calls from critters asking if I’ll see them for an hour for $56 for no holes barred raunchy good times.. apparently I work for piggy bank money now…

AAAAaaarhg DOOMED!

Lucy/Mia/ IGP

ps. sorry to anyone who has been emailing and stuff. I have just moved and my phone is yet to be connected (4 weeks later) so I can’t get online to check my mail. I have a whole bunch of new photo’s and YouTube and all sorts of stuff to put on my website, but at the moment I can’t get it up. Hopefully I will be back on in the next few days.

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1 Comment so far
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You know you are welcome to post that review (or at least excerpts if it is too long) on your site under reviews, if you really want to.

Comment by Peter.88188




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