Lucy Blake's Weblog

Toilet Talk.

Yes that’s right folks.. she’s moving AGAIN!

Why is it real estate agents are so friggin fascinated by people’s toilet’s?! I’m almost convinced that  there is a subject in the course they have to do called “toilet appreciation”.  Just say on these real estate sites like domain or, there is a series of 5 pictures for a unit. 3 of the 5 pictures will be of the units toilet! I shit you not… the pictures of the toilet of course do, but I do not.

It’s like on a Saturday you don’t actually prepare your hunt based on trying to find a new home, it’s like you’re planning a grand tour of Sydney’s toilets. So what have I discovered on my tour of Sydney’s toilets? Well there is definately a move towards marble toilets in the newer apartment blocks or more “fancy” toilets. I hate marble toilets for 2 reasons:

1. you cannot clean them with proper cleaner because you bleach the marble so you have to be content with existing in a semi clean environment. This is not good for someone who doesn’t sleep like me and likes to kill time by cleaning.

2. if you put your knickers down on marble to put on when you get out of the shower, they are VERY cold when you put them on. Yes that’s right folks, marble toilets are the least friendly to a girls g- string possible and if you consider a g string doesn’t actually have much material to keep your tooshy warm, it’s important the material it does have, does make your tooshy warm when you put it on!

The more expensive the apartment, the fancier the toilet! Yup it is true, the richer you get, the more luxurious your arses surrounds EXCEPT when it comes to toilet seats. I am yet to see a toilet seat in a fancy apartment that lives up to what my expectations would be if I was paying that much rent.  Sure they heat the towel racks in fancy toilets, but I have not once seen a heated toilet seat or one that massages your posterior like the toilets in even the most basic hotels in Asia do. MOST dissapointing really.

The more you pay the larger the shower but the worse the water pressure. Yup that’s right, it would appear that rich people (or people who are forced to pay to much in rent) are prone to wild orjies! Yup another reason to hate well to do people as if they didn’t already have the deck of cards stacked against them…. poor buggers.

Whilst on the topic of shower design, there has been a strong move against showers being located in the bath. Now they all seem to be very similar to Meriton Apartment bathroom design with showers being shoved in the corner of the bathroom in a square on an angle shape – it’s like having a shower in Dr WHo’s tardis that landed sideways. This is good for hookering because it means no more listening to mens heads as they slip over getting out of the shower and dooshing them on the vanity next to the bath – VERY COMMON in boys, this slipping over and dooshing.

There is a serious move towards colorful toilets. A few short years ago, toilets were all white or if they were being fancier, they were a weird arse beige color. Now they seem to be marfing up toilets with all manner of toilet tile colors and the really fancy toilets have wall to wall mirroring going on. Out of the 9 apartments I looked at on Saturday alone, only 2 of them had the traditional white toilet. The rest ranged from orange, lime green, fluro blue and one even had a pink toilet bowl to match the color of the roof. This opens a whole range of possibilites for a hooker. I could run a 20 minute blow and go service of $100 for 20 minutes where we race into the bathroom, bonk me in front of wall to wall mirrors (it’s actually extremely brothel) and run out. Wham bam thankyou mirror man!

Last but not least, bathrooms are now often bigger than the bedrooms are. Yup strangely enough it would appear a mans bathroom really is becoming his castle. I actually think it’s a sad by product of our shitty economy. I have noticed I am the usually the only single person out of 40 people looking at a unit. Couples are now being FORCED to live together because everyone is convinced they are either poorer or sure will be soon, so they are now convincing themselves they have to live together. As a result, they are making bathrooms larger for boys to escape to because they are now being forced to live with woman!

Anyhooo enough on toilets…  I could go on about my slap down wrestling match with the 31 year old Martha Stewart real estate agent (bitch), but that’s a story for another day. Or I could go on about the hunting game people who look for a unit to play.. or my new business idea focused soley on unit hunters (but one of you might steal it and make a packet)… but all of this talk of toielts has made me twitch to go spend time in mine… CLEANING PEOPLE JUST CLEANING!

Weeeeeee! (no pun intended)




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