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Ok so went to Uni and did the whole silly presentation thing. BUT of course it wasnt to be an easy chore because one must take into account “Lucy Luck”. Lucy’s Luck today took form in an elevator. I got stuck in a lift with 11 people in a 10 person max lift for 85 minutes!!
In the lift there were 2 boys and the rest were middle aged woman. The first thing all the middle aged woman did was check supplies and take stock of who had food and drink. The first thing the boys and I did was jump up and down to see if we could make the lift drop back down to the bottom floor so we could jump out, but more because it freaked everyone else out because they thought we were going to make the lift plummet and we’d all drop to our deaths!!! Then the Brazilian woman sticks her finger on the alarm button and wont let it go so the South African Woman started screaming at me calling me a “colonial” whatever that means, and saying my behaviour is making the Brazilion woman histerical and then the Russian woman starts smacking on the doors and ranting in Russian. Then the boys and I start laughing to much and then the Chinese woman tells us all to shutup and be sensible.
Shutting up worked for all of 90 seconds for me then it occurred to me to ask who the first person would be we’d eat first if we got stuck in there and then the South African Woman tried to attack me but because there was no room to move, she couldnt get me. She frightened me but!
Then we opened the doors to see what a lift shaft looked like and we found out we were stuck between floors! Then I asked if anyone had seen the alien movie where the aliens grabbed people’s ankles and pulled them down the lift shaft while they were standing in the lift. Then the SOuth African Woman went for me again and the Brazilian WOman started on the alarm bell again and the men were laughing at me – decided my policy on not relying on a man to ever save me is a good policy!
Then the security gaurd poked a straw thru a crack in the doors. It occurred to the Philo girl a fireman in a uniform saving us would be much better than a 70 year old hairy security gaurd so we decided to call the firemen to come and save us. Then the SouthAfrican woman started screaming at us calling us sluts and said we should act like grown ups. We tried to tell her we weren’t sluts its just firemen had the best jokes and we didn’t like Firemen anyway because their feet smell because they are in gumboots all day. Then she ripped the straw out of the door and started poking me with it because with the extra length she could reach me!
THEN… I was standing there practicing being quiet and I got my periods. Yup imagine how happy I was knowing I was going to have to stand up and do a presentation in front of everyone after I had a little accident in my jeans – AAAARGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
So anyway eventually we got out and had to go straight away to do my presentation. We were each assigned a person to give a written evaluation of our presentation and it was like Secret Santa because we didn’t know who it was. So I did my presentation and I got given my feedback by.. you guessed it…. the SOUTH AFRICAN woman!!! She stood up in class and said I spoke like a colonial instead of a professional and I need to work on being more professional. I asked her what a SOuth African knows about the English language besides now to butcher it and then she went for me again!!! She’s DANGEROUS!
SO what did we learnt today? Hmmm middle aged woman are DANGEROUS when all riled up! And I truelly do have the worst luck of anyone walking the planet.
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