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It’s been a while since the last blog. Yup I have been re-miss in my duties. I couldn’t think for the life of me what to write about! Things haven’t been too lovely of late so I have been keeping shut because no-one wants to hear woooooh is me.
I just came back from having a swim downstairs. I always go to the gym or swimming at night because there is the scary 50 year old woman who yells at me lots if I see her during the day. I like it at night because she’s not there and because I can turn the television up as loud as I like in the gym. I like listening to the Anthony Robbins demtel commercial the best at 2am. He’s very motivating if you only listen to the commercial. I think he would drive me bonkers if I had to buy his tapes and listen but.
Anthony Robbins is who I want to be when I grow up. Running around on stage in front of 10 billion people, making them jump up and down waving their arms screaming ‘HALLLELUJIAAAAA’ while they worship him madly! It all looks very exciting to me!
So I was swimming which terrifies me. I’m not sure if anyone has ever seen the James Bond movie where they release sharks into the pool with their big nasty mouths and their little boggle dead eyes, but I saw it and ever since I’ve been scared to go swimming.
So I switched on the light in the pool room and slowly walked around the pool a few times to establish there were no sharks or crocodiles in the pool. I also take careful notice of the pool walls to make sure there are no shark doors in it. Once I’m semi convinced there are no sharks or crocodiles I slowly slide into the pool.
First in goes the tootsies when it occurs to me there could be piranhas in the pool! Tootsies come flying out and I do some more laps of the pool to ascertain the piranha factor. Right no piranhas so tootsies go back in. Then I stand on the ladder til my bottom is in the pool. IS COOOOOOOLD! Then I decide to stop sooking and dive in. I get halfway thru my first lap when I start thinking about sharks and crocodiles again. Keep telling myself I am being a silly bugger and keep doing laps.
Then the light goes out!!! The light is on a timer and I have run out of time and it goes pitch black!! SO now I am in a dark pool full of sharks, crocodiles and piranhas and they are going to gobble me!!! I can’t jump out of the pool quick enough and because I’m all panicked I can’t get out at all!
So yup have made the decision ….. No more swimming in the dark at night UNLESS I get the perfect offer from the perfect boy saying “baby you rock my world… let’s go skinny dipping and bonk in the pool”. Yup that’s even more inspirational than Anthony Robbins turned up real loud J
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