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Miss Angel and I went to dinner the other night with a lovely boy. She kept on staring at my boobs all night and said they ‘mesmerized’ her so she insisted on taking a boob pic for you all. Is quite strange seeing someone with JJ cup boobs being mesmerized by a pair of itty bitty c cups! So we hope you enjoy my boobs!
We went to a restaurant attached to a bar and had to walk thru the bar to get to the toilet as they had shut all the toilets down except this single one for APEC. APEC doesn’t even arrive for another 3 weeks and all the toilets in hotels and restaurants you go to are being sniffed by the sniffer dogs (eeeew wouldn’t you hate to be the owner of one of those sniffer dogs after they had been hard at work sniffing toilets all night?!! Your puppy would get home and want to give you a big wet lick across the face! Eeeeew! ) So going to the toilets involved walking out of the restaurant and into the yuppie bar next door. I was completely SHOCKED at what I saw in that bar!
We finally got into the toilet ( they are being gaurded by security men in suits but I find it hard to take them as seriously as they do themselves because they aren’t even security men with curly bits in their ears. They are all using walkie talkies instead of curly ear talking devices like the CIA/FBI uses so aren’t proper security gaurds if you ask me) and Angel went into the toilet first. She left me standing around alone with nothing to keep me company but the mirror. Now when I’m in a toilet with a full mirror I like to practice my porn positions and faces (I could tell you what else I was thinking and doing but I had a discussion about being high class today and was informed I drag myself down by discussing my fantasies so I shall spare you). That entertained me for about 3 minutes (I have it all pretty much sussed out now so it doesn’t take long) which left me nothing to do but look in the mirror.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and almost fallen over? It’s like someone else is in there! In my unit everything is up high. My unit was built for a tall person so I can’t see into any of the mirrors and I have to stand on a box to get into the cupboards. Because of this anytime I want to see what I look like I have to run outside to the lifts and make the lift come to my floor, wait for the doors to open, jump in front of the mirror at the back of the lift and then have a look at what I look like! Its all very complicated and as a result I don’t bother. So I probably see what I look like maybe once every 3 – 6 months or so.
Now as I don’t have an ego maniac issue when it comes to my looks (yes I have read the reviews that say I am vaguely pretty but don’t ooooze sexiness, Im not gorgeous or glamorous blah blaaaaah) whenever I look in the mirror it completely floors me. Sure people say oooh your sooo pretty, but I always take that to be like when you see someon’es new baby/child. In reality they look like aliens from a galaxy far far away but you feel obliged to say how cute they are. I think when men tell you your attractive they are just operating under the same guidelines as you do with children. As a result I am under the impression I have horns and resemble that purple muppet with the big nose. So when I looked in the mirror it just spun me out to see what I look like. It’s like a completely different person I don’t know at all.
So I suppose the point of this blog is to explain something that floored me. I had no idea I was actually pretty. After walking thru the bar and seeing all the other woman, I kind of completely spun out. I don’t go out because I think I am really really ugly and I’m scared I wont get past the beautiful people police at the front doors of bars etc. Now I realize maybe I can go out because I wont get rejected at the front door which always makes you very sad when it happens. MAYBE I can even try and have a life because I wont be rejected at the front door. Hmmm trouble is now all my friends are married or have boyfriends and couldn’t possibly go out for a single night or their co-dependence duties would suffer!! Ho Hum the light bulb comes on during Earth Hour it would seem! Id be to frightened to go out as a single female alone… hmmm looks like it’s back to sex work to get bonked for me! I’m determined to save my dirty thirties somehow!
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