Lucy Blake's Weblog

Computer Class at Uni

Well today it was off to Uni again. So far this semester it has been a long line of boringness. Ooow except maths where I learnt how to put a garden in my backyard. I learnt how to measure how much fence I need, how to measure how many daffodils or petunias I can stick inside the fence and how much cement I would need to fill the hole in once I killed all of my flowers (if they are anything like goldfish death will occur quickly – hmm unless they are like snails! Im good at growing snails). Apparently that all has to do with 1, 2 and 3 dimensional thingamee who’s! I felt quite smug in my cleverness after maths! Oh and we learnt how to count to 10 zillion in Japanese for some reason I haven’t quite worked out why yet.

BUT today was computers! Aaaaah the joy! PUTERS!!! So walked into the class and it’s got all of these chairs in it on wheels that spin around and the backs of them push you forward – impossible for sleeping on and threatened to projectile vomit you off the front if you dared zoom around the classroom using wheel power. So playing dodgem chairs was out of the question. Mind goes into overload asking the question “well then how the hell am I going to stay awake for 4 hours?!?!”. Decided staying awake was not a priority once the teacher stumbled in.

She’s a librarian and we are going to do 2 hours of learning about databases!!! The sheer joy!! She has purple hair. Now normally that wouldn’t bug me BUT, it was uneven! MY OCD went into overdrive and I had to struggle not to go and fix it for her. Then she started talking to the roof. I spent a good twenty minutes looking at the roof trying to work out what was so fascinating but it evaded me. Then she made us go to the Library site for the Uni and started trolling thru the databases, orgasming everytime she realised they had introduced a new platform(?!) or software (?!) or whatever it’s called. Apparently there is like 12 different thingamee database types they use in the library. Wow BIG WOOP!! She then went into mass detail about how to use search terms blah blaaaah. I just sat there thinking.. ‘but why wouldn’t you just buy the book instead of borrowing it?!’…. why wouldn’t I just go up to a boy in the library and find the closest boy wearing glasses (I have a thing for smart men and men always look smarter to me if they wear glasses – in fact I find men wearing glasses incredibly sexy aaaargh Im to weird!!), cock my head to the side, bat my eye lashes and say ” Hi I’m blah blaaah and I’m a girl. Can you help me?” So all of this talk about databases bored the shite out of me so I decided to go to sleep.

Sleeping was not an option I discovered because I had this middle aged woman next to me this time from Morrocco. She has the need to talk and bitch all the time and if I am not available she pokes at me and then yells at me. So Im scared to sleep in case Im needed to say “I dont know, since when do I lsiten? Dont ask me”. Then I have the issue of everyone in class makes fun of me when I sleep. I personally dont see whats so funny because I dont drool or anything but everyone thinks it’s a novelty to watch me sleeping. They now lay bets on how long I will sleep for in each class so its all very amusing to them. Then my Morrocan friend piped up with “why are we learning this? I know all this. This is a waste of time. I’m not doing this”. Aaaaah the voice of reason at last!!! So then the teacher storms out.

20 minutes later a new one walks in and straight away I know this is a man who knows his puters! He is a bonafidey IT compuer programming whizz! I can tell cause he is wearing a crimpled up, un-ironed white shirt (its the IT guys secret handshake their shirts) and sneakers. He starts bleeting on about computers again!! I have no idea what he was talking about because I decided from the outset I was going to further develop and practice my leadership skills by delegating my Uni assignments for this subject (does anyone know how to make an excel spreadsheet and put formulas in it?) so I didnt need to listen. I am a true believer in delegation, empowering and outsourcing tasks. Sooo I had 90 minutes to go…

At about the 83 minutes to go mark I worked out if I sat in the chair and put my feet on the chair in front and rocked back and forward I cold propel myself across the room just like a rodeo rider on a bucking bronco!!! That game lasted 2 minutes before the Moroccan woman hit me (what is it with middle aged woman hitting me all the time?!?!) Soooo I decided to do some work and check my PMs on SDU.I knew I shouldnt because its a porn site but it’s like those annoyig ‘DO NOT TOUCH WET PAINT’ signs that make you need to touch a wall you never would have normally. I pulled open a few sites (I listened long enough to learn about tabs in Firefox so I pulled open lots of sites all at once! very handy firefox!) and then my puter started yelling at me and abusing me and it locked me out of the system. Apparently pulling open adult sites on the puter at Uni in class is a no no. So now I am locked out of the Uni puters and Ihave to apply to the Head of Studies to be let back in and explain my bad behaviour. I’ll just tell her Im a prostitute – woman never want to discuss that so you get away with all manner of things so they can avoid embarassing discussions.

Soooo anyway puters at Uni is BORING!! oooh except we learnt about “furl”!! Furl’s pretty cool but not as good as Delicious!! We of course had to do Furl because it has the boring name and everything at Uni must be boring or where not getting full value. It’s this place you can store links for anyone who knows as much about puters as I do. I decided it presented the perfect opportunity to get my teacher locked out of the system and asked him if it could be used for people who couldn’t keep a history on their puters. I asked him to show me how it worked on a few sites like sensualdownunder (thought it was the least hookery named site so he wouldnt catch on it was an adult site). He said to me “yes it can be used to hide history but their are tools on google to do that and still keep a record of links and I can’t see why someone would want to hide the history on their computers anyway Lucy”. LUCY!!! HE CALLED ME LUCY!!! Should have bloody known! What IT maniac doesn’t spend 10 gazillion hours on porn sites!

So all in all computer classes suck. Next class is psychology but!! I was excited about psychology until I learnt the teacher who looks like Einstein is taking it. He told me to shutup once and said I am to opinionated and not a pleasure to have in class. Yup you can imagine how we get on. Aaaargh bring on the end of this semester ASAP!!!

Mmwaaah and have the happy Uni thoughts for me please


Tongue Tied

A known quantity

A known quantity


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