Lucy Blake's Weblog

Review of a Sex Swing

Sooo thought I’d write about my experiences with a Sex Swing.  I was given one as a gift from a lovely person but we never used it for the purpose it was designed for.


As far as I can see it can be used for 1 or 2 useful things but neither of them really relate to sex. They are:
1. fantastic pot plant holder

2. good for tieing people to if you need the standing upright with their hands and feet tied apart. You must remove the swing part for this – only the frame is useful.

When it was given to me the first thing I noticed were the instructions – yup your loungeroom will resemble an Ikea bombshell in 2 seconds flat. Fortunately however all the pieces were included 🙂 When assembling be sure to assemble it in the room you want to use it in as it is so HUGE it will not go thru the door frame once it is up. Be sure to put it in a room your mother will never go into if she comes to visit as it is hard to sell as a pot plant holder.

Once fully assembled it takes up as much floor space as a Queen size bed and reaches to the roof. Once again it is HUGE! When assembling it, its best to have 2 people do it otherwise you will get dooshed on the head when the poles fall over. It a bit like building a Teepee I can imagine. Hmm even better wear a hard hat.

Whats it Good For:
1. hanging pot plants on – if you have a lovely vine you want to run up the legs of it – ooow or if you need a frame to run chicken wire around to grow seetpeas PERFECT!

2. swinging on while you eat your toast in the morning

3. making friends laugh histericaly at you 4. scareing people 5. the frame is good for tieing someone’s arms, feet and kneck too if you want to do a spot of standing up B&D but dont have a pole or cross to tie someone too. The bonus with it is in comparison to a cross, you cna get 360 degree access to someone so can play on the back and front of a person at the same time. Also the bars are good for hanging your tool belt on or extra equipment if doing light B&D

Whats it Bad For:
1. SEX: it is impossible to have sex in.

2. Headjobs: you get sea sick if you close your eyes

3. Comfort: the bands in it that hold you in place are quite thin so after sitting in it for 5 minutes or so it leaves huge red welts or bruises on your skin. They are also made out of fluffy material which is not terribly hygenic which is important because one of them sits very close to your butt when your in it.

4. Control: it is incredibly hard to keep control of the swing both if your sitting in it or the person standing or kneeling. It moves around so much and I was unable to find a way to stop this. The fact that it swings makes it very difficult for the person standing up to control as it swings with the weight of the person inside it. This means unless your a muscle mary with your feet cemented to the ground you will never be able to stop it from swinging and pulling you over.

5. Positioning the swing: the swing itself hangs from a chain and a spring on top of the frame. It has adjustable tags on it to pull it up or down depending on the height of the person standing. If the person standing pushes the swing back an inch with their partner in it they will no longer be at the right height to keep their penis in the person in the swing. To change the height of the swing takes a considerable amount of time and ruins the mood. If you have multiple partners you will need to re-adjust the height for each person – good for time wasting.

6. Load baring weight (hehe I’m all technical jargony like): I think from memory it takes 110kgs if you have the spring attached to it holding it to the top of the frame. With no spring it is even less, so if your with a really tall person and cant put the spring in because it wont be in the right position, then it takes around 40kg less weight. This means it is impossible for more than 1 person usually to be on it at a time and if your with a heavy or large or tall guy or woman – GOOD LUCK!

7. Positioning for Person in the Swing: it says you can do multiple positions but I found it impossible. If you swap from frontal to doggie the height of the swing needs to be re-adjusted. If you sit on someone on the swing the bands holding you into position cut into you and is VERY ouchy. Headjobs were the best sexual position I could find for the swing. Just dont shut your eyes or you will get sea sick. Person giving headjob must kneel down so make sure you have something comfy for under your knees.

Overall EROS: 2/10
– it was hilarious to use, gets a point for the fact you can tie someone to the frame.

What I would get instead:
If I was to try a swing again I would get one with a solid back on it so the straps didnt cut into me. I would also get one that was easy to clean. Knowing me would also have to be leather or latex hahaaa. You can also get swings that don’t swing about as much as they are attached to a frame at different secure points.

I gave the swing away when my mother was coming to visit and I couldnt be caught with it. It went to a gay friend and he didnt like it, so he passed it onto a lesbian who kept getting sea sick in it and now it is at a straight friends house and he uses it to winch his sons bike up when they are doing repairs to it. Soooooo: Has anyone else ever used a swing or got any questions they have always wanted to know in relation to one?

MMwaah! Lucy 🙂


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