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Ook ok ooookedokeeee
First to the jokes….
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?
What do you call a man with a paper bag over his head?
What do you call a crate full of ducks?
A box of quackers!
What does Jack Frost ride to work?
A b -icickle
HAhahahahahahahaahaa yup I managed to steal all of the Christmas crackers when no-one was looking. It’s the best bit of Christmas is those crackers with the lucky paper hats inside, the little gazmatron toys (you get very cool toys in them if you buy the fancy expensive crackers – this year I got a tape measure which is handy because the ones you steal from IKEA aren’t so great, a nail cleaner, a mirror and nail clippers) and the jokes! I was invited to a party, I was having a lovely time, so I decided to have a lovelier time and stole all the crackers and then I was asked to leave for popping them all. Pfft
Ooow and today was my bestest friends birthday and he asked me to make him a chocolate cake for his Birthday. Here’s a pic…
I have kind of decided I am going to retire from life and make cakes for a living. My Grandma gave me the recipe to her Rock Cakes which are delightfuly delicious but they are to ugly to take pictures of so I wont show you one of them. Ooow and from my mum I got a cupake recipe book so I’m going to start making cupcakes for boys in bookings! The fancy girls all go and buy oysters and cheese, but I’m going to make cupcakes because I’m waaaay cooler (I mean seriously… who started up the bad joke about oysters making people horny?! They just make my tummy feel full of slime which is NOT horny at all!)
Ooow and they also extended my straight life contract again! This time until the end of February because they want me to give the girl I was replacing a hand over for a month – I’ve only been there 3 months but apparently they need me to stay for a month to settle her into MY CHAIR! It’s all good but because there is a girl there I am kind of getting a kick out of making insane. She is VERY lazy and disappears for hours at a time so i have taken it upon myself to be her own private hooker and make her nuts. She’s actually a little funny she is so ummm .. well you decide…….. Last week I heard all of this banging going on in the toilet. After 10 minutes I went in to see what all the banging was about and this girl had her arm stuck in the sanitary napkin bin up to her arm pit. When I asked her wtf she was doing she said “oh I lost my keys and I thought I might have put them in the bin accidentaly so I stuck my hand in to find them but then my arm got stuck, so I dragged the bin over to the sink where the soap is and I’m trying to lube up my arm and make it slippery to make the bin slide off”. I kid you not. She doesn’t even get her periods so how her keys would have fallen in there I have no idea how she thought I was going to fall for that one! It’s her hip flask of cheap bourbon she stashes in there she was trying to get out not her keys. So yerrrrs.
Mmwaaah and keep laughing people’s!
ps. Aaargh did any of that make any sense? I think it’s time to get back to my horror movies… I’m watching Dawn of the Dead at the moment! I like it because the zombies move slow… that’s the difference between a scary zombie movie like 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead. Zombies who move fast are infinately more scary. I don’t like movies where stuff jumps out at you… makes me want to throw up with anxiety. Slow moving zombies movies are the way to go because they move to slow to jump out and say BOOO!
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