Lucy Blake's Weblog


Stigma for Sex Workers
Stigma for sex workers

Was going to write some fluff because that’s what blogs are – MARKETING. I decided not to tonight though for some reason. I suppose I feel I’ve paid my dues so can get away with being a real person every now and then.  Hahaha of course I’m completely wrong.

 

Stigma and the resulting hatred is something we run into constantly as sex workers. I was reading the overseas blogs of working ladies and they are all very sad about the recent death of a DC Madame – she supposedly hung herself, but the girls doubt it. Either way they are all very cut up about the whole situation. One lady published all the names of the ladies who had died in her home State alone whilst being active sex workers. It was long.

 

It made me think on the times I have been stigmatized and isolated in the last week alone, because I’m a sex worker.

 

I went out with a friend last week who happens to be gorgeous. We were going to go speed dating, but get there and decided having a drink and a laugh was higher on the agenda then learning how to talk to normal people.

 

After a while a few of the boys came over and introduced themselves to us. Immediately they begin falling all over her, but for me I sell on personality not looks so much. I was stunned at how blatant these boys were with their drooling. They openly tell us that they aren’t after relationships, they only cruise bars looking to bonk woman (ooow that’s a great get into her pants line!). Sooo for the next little while I sit there rolling my eyes bored shitless while they tell me how sophisticated and cool they are because they are Merchant Bankers and some of them do Risk Analysis for one of the Major Banks in the City. One boy was completely taken with himself to the point he tells me his company paid $30 000 to relocate him from overseas, but he hates his company so wanted to quit. After a quick Lucy shut up, stop sooking and do something about it intervention, he asks me how I grew “mens balls to be able to talk to men like him” the way I do. I sat there and thought hmmm normal people… wow this is what I’ve been missing!

 

Then they start hammering us on what we do for a living. Lucy of course lies and reverts to the old life and tells them she is a Social Worker who works with people who use drugs illicitly and drug users. They then all begin telling me my life is depressing and I should be ashamed of myself for working with “grotty, diseased, monsters” and I had just put a downer on the evening. I assumed they were talking about drug user’s so I asked them why they thought that and they said they had nothing against drug user’s, they were talking about “filthy whores”. Oh.

 

So I asked them if they thought sex workers served any purpose in life and if they would ever book one. They said they’d only book one to do something “woman” wouldn’t do. Oh. I asked one of them what that was and he said he’d book two to eat each others arses while he sat on the other side of the room and jerked off, but he wouldn’t let one of them touch him because they are “diseased and filthy especially after eating each others arses”. Oh.

 

Anyhooo later on came a case of drink spiking and all the other joyful things woman can experience in life. Of course drink spiking is more likely to happen to sex workers because we look at each other and say “oh shit what if they spiked our drinks” and then  we both let each other know that’s just the hooker safety procedures in us and we should stop being so paranoid.

 

So was sitting in a job interview the next day staring at the walls (still off my dial from drink spiking the night before), thinking on this while the welfare organization I was interviewing with, were telling me they had issues with my personal boundaries because I had worked in a sex worker organization.

 

Later that do I had to go to the Doctor for a Doctor’s certificate because I missed going to Uni because I had to go to that job interview. The Doctor sat there and got extremely pissed off at me when I asked him if there was anyone there who specialized in sex workers. He told me we are just like any other woman s any Doctor was qualified to see sex workers. The very next breath he began telling me how in fact he had seen a sex worker that day and then told me how she had told him she had been raped but he didn’t believe her because “sex workers can’t be raped because they are having sex with people they know, they gave consent, and how if the guy used a condom it isn’t rape”. He then answered his mobile phone without asking me if it was ok.

 

I informed Mr Doctor that he was in fact a prick and this is why I wanted to know if they had someone who specializes in sex workers. He screamed at me and demanded I justify myself so I asked him if he didn’t dislike sex workers and thought of us as ‘normal woman’, would he have told a patient about another patients conversation? If any other woman walked in and said she had been raped but the guy had worn a condom and it started out as consensual, would he have called her a liar and told her she wasn’t raped? I asked him if he answers his mobile phone all the time while in a consult with anyone but a sex worker? He then threw me out.

 

I ran home to the City from Kings Cross and made it in 12 minutes because I felt so ugly, so hated, so furious, so sad.

 

It horrifies me to think that “normal people” and people in the so called “non-judgmental” caring professions would hate you and pass judgment purely because you have been associated with the sex industry. Sure 30 something year old men I suppose it’s to be expected, but people who are employed as Doctor’s and welfare workers! Bugger if it’s not revolting that I even just said “I suppose it’s to be expected”. Why should we expect woman to be stigmatized – marked- hated, purely because they have been sex workers?!

 

To put an ad in the local paper it costs me more than a plumber. Never has a private worker been granted a DA to operate as an independent. We are able to claim less on tax, we are charged a higher % on each transaction if we have merchant facilities, we are told we’re whores if we try and report a rape to the Police. Why on Earth is there no discrimination laws based on employment?

 

Sex workers are the most isolated and hated people on the planet. They are forced into isolation because we have to lie to our mothers, friends, partners, straight work, Doctor’s. Everyone and everything is a lie because it has to be

 

I have certain men on forums who hate my guts. Have never met me, never spoken to me, just read my blog, read what I write on forums and hate me. They ban other girls from forums if they know they are friends with me, start hate threads, hunt me across forums, make fake bookings and the super duper clever ones, make snide comments whenever they can on my home forum, but nothing to insulting so they can’t be banned. Life is a constant case of dodging the hatred either because you are a sex worker or because you don’t fit their image of what a sex worker should be. Thank GOD for other sex workers. Thank GOD in our isolation we are not always completely alone but God we feel completely alone.

 

3 hateful conversations in 48 hours – greeeeaaaat. So the moral to the story… there is none. It’s just life. I suppose all anyone can do is if they know someone is a sex worker, be lovely, be forgiving, because your sex worker may be having a life, you have no idea about.

 

Lucy

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