Lucy Blake's Weblog


Retail Therapy Hooker Style!

Today I needed cheering up. I thought I would go eat waffles and ice cream or pancakes or popcorn from the movies. However as usual I found my trotters taking me to my favourite ‘aaaargh shop’ House of Fetish (for all your devious latex clothing needs), oh and the Tool Shed of course (that goes without saying for all your devo sex toy needs).

First stop is the ToolShed. I usually wander on in to Fetish first, but due to funding issues I thought I would go to ToolShed first and get the need to spend out of my system as I only spend a quarter as much in ToolShed. Oh and of course misery luuuurves company so I took my trusty usual co-conspirator along with me for bitching, moaning and groaning needs (its why girls always run to each other when boys annoy them).

So we started out by walking thru the ‘stop thief laser beam thingy’ that goes off if you have stolen something. Of course it had to go off when we walked in so there was no sneaking in unnoticed. This of course was not a problem for me as it meant everyone in the shop turned around to see who was stealing, so I got to wave hello and announce my arrival to everyone in one foul swoop. “HELLOOOO IT’S ME THE SEX CRAZED DEVO“!

We head straight for the vibrators. I have been feeling kind of guilty as I don’t actually own one. It’s kind of like a right of passage that every working lady has a vibrator. I kind of feel like I have betrayed the cause by no longer possessing one. SO I was on the mission to find a new discobrator to replace my last one (I managed to lose 3 vibrators in 2 months – 2 were stolen eeeeeew! and 1 was disgracefully left behind in a hotel room). We walked up and down the rows reminiscing over the first ever vibrators we bought as hookers… aaah memory lane. Unfortunately as usual nothing inspired me. There is something about having a chunk of plastic rammed up your bagina while it vibrates that does NOTHING for me. It’s more of a gimmick I find, not a useful tool in the mission of escalation of horniness.

So we are lurking in an aisle with cutsie pink and diamond studded girlie vibrators on one side of us and butt plugs moulded from witches hats and dildo’s moulded from men’s clenched fists and arms (now I would be MOST impressed if someone could swallow one of them, whilst cringing of course). Then out of no where our gift from the Universe appeared. He was the sweetest gay boy I have ever met in a sex shop.

Unfortunately he was a gay boy re-living the good old WHAM and Boy George days so his shoes were all wrong… mental note DON’T LOOK AT THE SHOES (its very hard to take a boy seriously when discussing sex, if he is wearing 80’s yuckness converse with his jeans tucked into them). I told him I needed a vibrator for hetero sexual virgin boys. He didn’t seem to understand and showed me a big scarey one. I explained I need a finger thickness one as hetero boys find vibrators scarey and it would be VERY difficult in talking them into allowing me to use it. We all decided they didn’t have a vibrator to suit my needs.

Light Bulb Moment!!! It then occured to me to remember back onto my 4am habit of shopping for sex toys and latex online. So I gave him the list which was: flesh light torch, vibrating penis mould, anything that throws electricty, vibrating remote control panties (aargh I hate the panties word!), latex strap on.

They had no torches so I was already grrrrrr BUT they did have a silicon jerk off glove!! most impressive and waaay easier to clean and yummmiferous I think. BINGO to the vibrating penis mould 🙂 🙂 🙂 but no to the electricity glove, vibrating remote control panties and latex strap on. The only one I was truelly disappointed they didnt have was the panties. I have been having porn pictures in my head on doing a dinner booking with the panties on and giving my dinner date the remote control to buzz me thru the night. By the time I had the dessert tasting plate (thats 6-10 desserts all on one plate, all for meeeeee) I would be aaaaaaargh FUCK ME IMMEDIATELY PLEEEEEEEASE! no fear I shall get it online in a few hours when it hits 4am 🙂

Hmmm I need chocolate brb….

Ok so the gay boy asks us what we do for a living. He said ‘oooow fellow hookers!!’ and from there we bonded. We love the people who love the hookers! He told us of some of his jobs when he worked Interstate and asked us if any of our clients were into wrestling. We then swapped wrestling stories (well I didnt cause I dont wrestle. I believe all men should mostly be tied down if at all possible at all times – for some reason men look hornier to me when they are tied down and blindfolded – well at the moment anyway. I kind of go thru phases of different porn pictures in my head at different times). He was most impressed with Wrestling Guy and his stamina. Mind you he always said Wrestling Dude was always to tired to have any hanky panky afterwards which he also thought was pretty cool. We then shook hands and swapped hooker names and had a giggle at them, then he gave us a 10% Industry Discount, then he gave us his phone number and said we had to hook up for coffee.

So endeth the trip to the ToolShed. Hmmm bugger thing is…. I didn’t feel anywhere near happy enough yet and if anything the ToolShed just wet my appetite for retail therapy so it was onto Fetish……..

 
Hmm brb have run out of chocolate…..
Lucy in latex sitting

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1 Comment so far
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Thanks for your interesting account. I wanted to read more but it seems this is your only piece at the moment..?

Comment by lily




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